Today, like every day, I walked into my office and was greeted by the smell of shit wafting through the air. My lactose intolerant, diabetic coworker won't stop eating Whataburger and milkshakes for breakfast, no matter what his body tells him. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my coworker brings in meat for lunch every single day and eats it at his desk. I'm a vegan and the smell makes me feel sick for hours. The management won't reprimand him or move either of us. FML
Today, while on lunch break, my fat, old co-worker walked into the break-room. I managed to block out his perverted heavy breathing, but had to leave when he began emitting a terrible odor that smelled like cheesy, sweaty molding feet. I barely held onto my lunch. FML
Today, as if having diarrhea at work wasn’t bad enough, my office’s aggressively flushing toilet sprayed me with my own liquid shit. FML
Today, I had an upset stomach all day at work. When lunch break came, I rushed to the bathroom. Just as I turned into an unstoppable human whoopie cushion, a co-worker walked in. He heard the entire arse symphony, and just asked, "What the fuck, dude?!" as he left. FML
Today, I double checked with the barista to make sure my latte had soy milk. After a few sips, I could tell it wasn’t but it was too late. I’m so sensitive to dairy, I spent the rest of my work day trying to stifle the gut busting cramps and noxious fumes. I had a meeting I couldn’t reschedule. FML
Today, I started work at my new job. I was excited to have been given an office of my own, but shortly after sitting down at my desk, the door across the hall opened and an unspeakably murderous stench that could've curdled milk seeped in. My office is opposite the men's room. Great. FML
Today, as usual I am allergic to onions (I fart A LOT if I eat any). It seems there were some in my breakfast sausage meal as I spent the day having major diarrhea; I'm shitting once an hour. That would be okay if I'd stayed home, but my sister asked me to pick her up at school. Guess who shit herself while driving… FML
Today, whilst still trying to potty train my puppy and keep her from both peeing and pooping in the house, my lactose intolerance kicked in full fledge. Every time I pass gas, she smells poop and believes it's okay to immediately drop a deuce on the carpet. FML
Today, at work, our grease traps were getting cleaned out. My desk is right next to the vent for outside air, and veryone thought I crapped myself and wouldn't go near me. FML
Today I had a customer come into my office smelling like feces, urine and body odor. I tried not to get sick to my stomach but failed miserably. I threw up in my trash can in front of him. It now smells like feces, urine, body odor and vomit in here. FML
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Top comments
bfsd42 20
Shove a cork up his ass.
heavymetalman1 0
Sounds kinda shitty...sorry op
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Comments (127)
ShroomsOnAcid 17
If only it was just your coworker. Many, many, people just refuse to listen to their body's very obvious "hints" because whatever they're eating "just tastes good".
nick347b 6
He's slowly killing himself, the problem will be resolved in due time.
idl3mind 0
I'm not lactose intolerant but I am diabetic. You are definitely right. He is slowly killing himself.
xXshadowrollerXx 6
Once his body tells him it's not dealing with his shit anymore, he'll get the message.
KalynC 5
....I see what you did there...
jedielf 23
I cry for these people who don't eat healthy breakfasts...
mohammadkm95 6
Thats just shitty
JojoChuo 8
All the "that's so shitty" comments reminds me of a episode from South Park x)
upyourzlolz 11
Please, nobody write another shitty comment about a shitty situation.
olpally 33
You just did.. Epic fail...
upyourzlolz 11
Yeah that was the joke, genius.
olpally 33
My bad.. Whoops.. Total fail by me.. :(
poppylamonzo 0
Wow sounds like you work in a shithole..
Enslaved 38
I feel sorry for you having to deal with that smell! Yuck! Maybe suggest those lactose pills? I've heard they work for some people. I don't have Whataburger where I am.): I was told they're yummy.
lidemocr 0
They are but not so good for you. Sounds like OP's officemate over-indulges!
every1luvsboners 11
Your only option is Battle Farts. Go buy 50 habanero hot wings and a case of Old Milwaukee. Then place butt-plug in it's home and do not remove it until you get to work. Sometimes you gotta fight fire with fire.
Wheredidgrungego 12
Just in this case, don't light any matches.
MatthewHass 4
I always thought butt-plugs were for sexual activities