Today, I wanted to buy a pack of cigarettes. My wife, who didn't want me to get them, decided it would be a good idea to jump on the hood of the car while I was driving off. She hit the car and fell off. My neighbor saw this. Neither her nor the cops believe me when I say I didn't hit her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was driving when a woman started crossing the street against the light at the upcoming intersection, so I slammed on the brakes and stopped short of hitting her. That's when she intentionally jumped onto my car and started screaming that I had "mowed her down". The cops believed her. FML
Today, I ran into my mother-in-law, who I absolutely can't stand, with my car at 5 mph by accident. She jumped out in front of me after a particularly nasty argument, but my husband won't believe me and neither will the police. FML
Today, a car hit me. I didn't get hurt, but someone called 911. The old woman who had hit me got out of the car with no problem to look at me, and gets back into the car. When the police arrive, she pulls out crutches and said I made strange faces and made her hit me. I got blamed. FML
Today, I was fixing a leak in the roof. When I was climbing down the ladder, it fell, but I managed to grab the ledge of the roof. The ladder hit my wife's car, then I fell on top of the ladder. My wife came running out to ask what happened to the car. FML
Today, I ran into the woman who hit my car and drove off three days ago. She was my bank teller. I called 911; she pressed the silent alarm. Guess whose story the cops believed. FML
Today, I was in a car accident. After screaming at the woman for running into me, I got in my car and drove off. As I was driving away, I was staring her down when I ended up rear-ending the person in front of me. FML
Today, I let my boyfriend drive my car, knowing that he doesn't have a license. While he was out, he ran a stop sign, collided with another vehicle, and then left the scene of the accident. Then he lied to me about how the accident happened so I "wouldn't be so upset." FML
Today, I was hit by a car speeding through an intersection after the light had already turned red. Still partly blacked out, I crawled onto the sidewalk and I sat down. The woman rolled down her car window and yelled, "Watch where you're going!" as she drove by. FML
Today, I was walking out of the grocery store when out of nowhere, a car backing up pretty fast sped down the parking lot and hit me, causing me to fall down and drop all of my groceries. The woman jumped out of her car, not to help me, but to carefully check her bumper for scratches. FML
Today, I saw a man stuck in his car door by his jacket. I ran over to help him, and his wife hit me with her purse. FML
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Top comments
wheresmymary 22
Maybe you should have your wife explain her side of the story to them
AddictGamer 16
To all these people saying to 'just stop smoking' it's harder than it sounds. As to OP, I hope you'll get your justice as of your story you are not in the wrong.
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Comments (94)
zarrganaut 17
Secondhand smoke can harm others, ya know.
ProgrestYourself 4
There's obviously way more to this story. How badly do you need to smoke that this would even be something that happens? If you and your wacko girl are gonna get in fights over cigarettes, don't do it in public.
Reasonable_one 12
How quickly did this escalate to her jumping on the hood of your car? That is a bit of an extreme action so there must be more back story to this. How long have you smoked? How long has your wife known you smoke and wanted you to stop? You are ignoring some much bigger and more pressing issues than getting to your next cigarette. Do you like being married?
Miss_Mandi 29
Then stop smoking. I've seen several people do it successfully (because a military career was on the line due to fitness scores sucking ass because they ran out of breath easily.) They told me chewing gum ALL the time and weaning yourself off by getting an e-cig helped, among a 6-step program and a couple other methods. As for your wife, if she hates that you smoke so much, then no, she will not tell them you didn't purposely hit her. She wants you to learn your lesson and realize how serious she is about it.
CaptainBat 9
Can someone explain why OP mentioned the cigarettes in the story
Keiraquarium 12
Because his wife didn't want him to buy cigarettes (perhaps she wants him to quit smoking) and that, apparently, is why she jumped onto his car
chaseafterwind82 29
Jesus, your wife is melodramatic!
Rvcked 10
sorry she wanted to save ya life fam
JKPwnage 27
She was right in not wanting you to get those cigarettes, but her methods were... less than appropriate.
samchaps19 11
That's what you get for being dumb enough to start smoking
ea247 20
I get why your wife wants you stop smoking but jumping in front of the car is an over reaction! I hope she's okay.