Today, I was at the store with my father. As we were leaving, he grabbed a baguette, put it by his crotch, and took a picture with his phone. I'm starting to feel like the parent here. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad has discovered selfies and my mom has discovered taking pictures of food. Now I'm at a restaurant, suffering through it all and not being able to eat anything until my mom has taken pictures of it. FML
Today, I took my daughter to the grocery store. The bag boy seemed to be flirting with me and smiling. He had to be half my age. Once in the car I glimpsed myself in the rear view mirror. I had chocolate completely covering one of my front teeth. FML
Today, I was with my dad at the supermarket and this guy was checking me out. My dad yells at him with a grin, "I know! I make beautiful babies!" FML
Today, I was at the mall with some friends. In the food court we passed by this creepy pervert feeling up a woman. I take a closer look and realize with horror that the guy is my dad in sunglasses and a hat. The lady he was with was not my mom. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store with my mom's boyfriend. We were in the bread aisle when he picked up a loaf that was in my hand, and said, "No, no, you have to FEEL the bread," and started rubbing it all over his body. He's moving in next week. FML
Today, my dad and I were at the grocery store buying toilet paper. As we walk out I see these two attractive guys that I know. My dad gets that I think they're cute, so he shouts "Hey babe, how's your stomach feeling now? Will this be enough for you?" They walk away laughing. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around, tickling each other. He grabbed my stomach roll and told me it looked like a baguette. FML
Today, my dad gave me his old camera. I got home and eagerly turned it on to start using it. I was greeted by a photo of my father drunk, smiling, naked, and covered in peanut butter. FML
Today, while shopping, my dad asked me to walk further away from him, saying I was cramping his style in front of all the chicks there. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said, "That was my daughter." FML
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Top comments
Patriots21 14
Penis jokes are ALWAYS funny.
gordjess1 19
That's when you pretend you aren't with them.. Turn the other way and walk off.
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Comments (45)
Patriots21 14
Penis jokes are ALWAYS funny.
Welshite 40
People call my penis a joke. I don't think it's funny. :(
tabbycat2007 22
I agree. OP, you should be glad you're dad has such a good sense of humor.
Miss_Mandi 29
Agreed. I would've done that myself.
jlang917 14
Maybe he'll grow up someday..
Mauskau 36
Maybe. As a kid, my siblings and I would do this with cucumbers and run around the aisle wiggling it and saying "willy, willy!". My parents usually found it funny before telling us off XD
Welshite 40
#8: I like to play the vegetables too. I'll usually grab my cucumber or zucchini and retreat to a corner aisle to fool around with it. Then I'm threatened with arrest for public indecency.
ubeenbagged 6
Okay then....
gordjess1 19
That's when you pretend you aren't with them.. Turn the other way and walk off.
Skoff_fml 27
I remember living with a chef friend who liked to put food to his crotch as a makeshift dong. Then serve it.
vikky538 29
Yak... Wtf
CanadiAnM8 24
Uhh... Did he put it back...? Because you never said he bought it or anything...
Goopgh123 7
He put it back afterwards...
oyeh 19
What are you talking about? You don't know him and you've never seen him before in your life
Welshite 40
It was either a baguette or a croissant. Now you know what your mother likes.
smackaroonial 20
Just baguette about it.
vikky538 29
Bleach your eyes first and then pretend it never happened
illusionay 10
Did the picture come out grain-y?
Jdlove2 20
Try hard