Today, I wanted to buy a pack of cigarettes. My wife, who didn't want me to get them, decided it would be a good idea to jump on the hood of the car while I was driving off. She hit the car and fell off. My neighbor saw this. Neither her nor the cops believe me when I say I didn't hit her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was driving when a woman started crossing the street against the light at the upcoming intersection, so I slammed on the brakes and stopped short of hitting her. That's when she intentionally jumped onto my car and started screaming that I had "mowed her down". The cops believed her. FML
Today, I ran into my mother-in-law, who I absolutely can't stand, with my car at 5 mph by accident. She jumped out in front of me after a particularly nasty argument, but my husband won't believe me and neither will the police. FML
Today, a car hit me. I didn't get hurt, but someone called 911. The old woman who had hit me got out of the car with no problem to look at me, and gets back into the car. When the police arrive, she pulls out crutches and said I made strange faces and made her hit me. I got blamed. FML
Today, I was fixing a leak in the roof. When I was climbing down the ladder, it fell, but I managed to grab the ledge of the roof. The ladder hit my wife's car, then I fell on top of the ladder. My wife came running out to ask what happened to the car. FML
Today, I ran into the woman who hit my car and drove off three days ago. She was my bank teller. I called 911; she pressed the silent alarm. Guess whose story the cops believed. FML
Today, I was in a car accident. After screaming at the woman for running into me, I got in my car and drove off. As I was driving away, I was staring her down when I ended up rear-ending the person in front of me. FML
Today, I let my boyfriend drive my car, knowing that he doesn't have a license. While he was out, he ran a stop sign, collided with another vehicle, and then left the scene of the accident. Then he lied to me about how the accident happened so I "wouldn't be so upset." FML
Today, I was hit by a car speeding through an intersection after the light had already turned red. Still partly blacked out, I crawled onto the sidewalk and I sat down. The woman rolled down her car window and yelled, "Watch where you're going!" as she drove by. FML
Today, I was walking out of the grocery store when out of nowhere, a car backing up pretty fast sped down the parking lot and hit me, causing me to fall down and drop all of my groceries. The woman jumped out of her car, not to help me, but to carefully check her bumper for scratches. FML
Today, I saw a man stuck in his car door by his jacket. I ran over to help him, and his wife hit me with her purse. FML
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Top comments
wheresmymary 22
Maybe you should have your wife explain her side of the story to them
AddictGamer 16
To all these people saying to 'just stop smoking' it's harder than it sounds. As to OP, I hope you'll get your justice as of your story you are not in the wrong.
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Comments (94)
Lars14 4
I can't blame her for not wanting you to smoke don't know about jumping on the hood though
worldclassrager 41
What does she do with vapour cigarettes?
FutureSurgeon 16
Wow, with friends like that, who needs enemies? I feel for you OP, hope it got straightened out.
thatonetribute 31
This isn't OP's fault because he smokes. It's his wife's fault for being an idiot.
writerchic85 26
So your wife is concerned about your health but not her own.
plan_Z 14
To all the people saying "just quit" that's all well & good but. His wife would have married him knowing that he smoked so what she did was a dangerous & dick move. Also if op can afford to smoke then they can smoke if they want to. Otherwise your life must be bland never doing anything unhealthy.
BitterSavage 20
But my question is, how do we know he didn't start smoking after their marriage? I had a now ex boyfriend of 3 year who picked up smoking. He even knew it was the one thing I can't stand. How do we know OP's situation isn't similar to mine? I'm not saying the wife is right, though. If jumping on the hood of a moving vehicle was on purpose, then that's taking it a little far.
apink823 6
Stop smoking then!
semitoundboss 4
Wait. Why didn't OP's wife back the story up to the neighbor and the police? Oh no...
vikky538 29
There are other ways to stop you from smoking.
bapbap_fml 15
I get that she doesn't like smoking, I don't either. But I wouldn't jump on a car like that, I'd just not kiss my husband after he'd be smoking and encourage him to try smoking cessation methods.