Today, my ex-girlfriend was supposed to come pick up her things, and while I waited I took a nap. Thirty minutes later, I woke up with two police officers hammering on my door. They'd come to get my ex-girlfriend's things and said they were "watching me." That's the last time I date a cop's daughter. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a bunch of cops showed up at my house demanding to see my wife to make sure she was OK. Turns out my insane out-of-state daughter swatted me, calling 911 to tell them I had tied up my wife, and been impersonating her for a week. FML
Today, a girl I've been talking to online for a while asked me if I wanted to meet her in person. Two hours of driving later, I end up at her house. When she opened the door, she screamed and called the cops on me. While detained, she called my phone asking why I never showed up today. FML
Today, I got a call from the police that my house had been burglarized, but an off-duty cop caught the criminal. I pull up to see my detained, psycho ex-boyfriend sheepishly grinning at me. He had three of my lace panties and two of my bras, claiming it was "all for memories' sake". FML
Today, I had to call the police to get my crazy stalker of a neighbor out of my house. When the police arrived, I found out that she was friends with the officer. FML
Today, I put my headphones on and laid down to relax to some music. I fell asleep, and woke up later to a police officer busting into my house. My neighbor had been knocking on my door, then looked through my window and saw me on my couch, and was convinced I'd died. FML
Today, I decided I'd take a nap in my car because I got to work very early. As I was waking up from my nap, I saw a cop looking right at me. Turns out, a lady who'd parked her car right next to mine after I was asleep had called the cops on me because she thought I was dead. FML
Today, the cops showed up to my house and served me a child support order from the girl I had a one-night stand with, and who'd promised me she would abort the baby. All this was two years ago. My wife of three years was in the house and heard everything. She packed up her things and told me she’ll be calling her attorney. FML
Today, I was pulled over by the police. The cop was my ex-boyfriend. He had no legitimate reason to pull me over, so he thoroughly checked my car. He gave me a defect notice and a fine. What for? A broken door lock, on my rear passenger door. FML
Today, the police came to my door and told me about a woman who called the cops on me because she said that I had been following her in my car. We were on the highway. FML
Today, my mother showed up to pick something up from my house. I was sleeping and before I knew it she was in my bedroom, jumping on my bed, saying hi to my ex-girlfriend who she thought was with me. It wasn't my ex, and I doubt that girl will ever want to hang out again after that awkward morning. FML
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Top comments
Mindwarp 4
He needs to give it arrest.
pradip 26
Gf : i'm coming to get my things OP: Ok, i'm taking a nap.
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Comments (94)
pradip 26
Gf : i'm coming to get my things OP: Ok, i'm taking a nap.
pedosmurf 7
Thats what it said haha
mfischer 17
Pradip! You got a thumbed up comment! I'm proud of you.
racerapj 10
You better hope she didn't take more than the stuff that was her's...
samasara 20
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I don't think police officers would do that.
Doomtrack 8
Actually it would not surprise me in the least, and who would you tell if the did, the police?
unknown_user5566 27
24- Erm, yes, actually. If they did take things that OP could prove were his, I'm sure he could present the evidence to other (unbiased) officers, explain the situation, and probably get the items back. Either that or he could ask his ex, though given the situation, that option is not probable.
ocramavaf 15
long story short even if they did take something of his he'd be screwed and just accept the loss.
MormonPornstar 7
Keep the story long. Your abridged version is inaccurate and frankly... stupid.
Tensor15_fml 1
Second!!!
Voldy_fml 16
Really? No way!
pradip 26
I think you are very slow in typing. Can't believe you lost the second spot, fighting against a comparatively long comment.
cosmosis 12
Minutes two slow four that... Quit wasting space on the internet. No one gives a shit anymore.
awsetdvcshjkgss 1
Cops sure do love to abuse their power
annie_nk 23
Oh grow up. Not all cops are crooked.
LuckyLynx7732 5
Yeah, but the ones that aren't crooked ignore the ones that are and that makes them just as bad.
Valdrek 26
You don't know what you're talking about mate
isallwaysme 27
my dads a, cop and he's the most chill cop ever. if he's out in public and sees people smoking weed, he goes up to them, and completely scares the shit out of them, but he doesn't arrest them xD
domking1315 20
Who smokes weed in public...
Reid5 6
22 - Then he's a shit cop.
JerryH 9
A shit ton of people in my town
padlarf 14
That's some unprofessional conduct right there.
Mindwarp 4
He needs to give it arrest.
extreemguy19 7
God damnit, why can't I think of a clever cop pun to go with this!
TrueTriage 16
I'm actually curious if the gf was just tryin to annoy her ex one last time with the cops or she was just being a bitch... If so SHE needs to give it arrest! 15- here's a pun that I think fails but I'll give it a shot: Shut the cuff up.
SApprentice 34
15- Give it arrest, I'm sure someone can think of something. I guess his ex was just a siren, he should have tried to evade that scene. Well, I guess it's official. He should have known better than to date above his station. It's all I got, and they're not that good.
SApprentice 34
I do so apologize, I reused the 'arrest' pun. I'm tired. *hides in hole*
desoto96 9
15 Go eat a doughnut, that should help you think of something.
racerapj 10
Alight guys, let's detain the situation. Nothing to see here...
longchow 8
Alright** Finally! I, an Asian, gets a chance to correct someone's spelling by replacing the "l" with an "r".
mowmowlife 21
It's actually 'get a chance' because you're referring to yourself, and Asians came secondly. An Asian person gets a chance, but you get a chance. (and you blew it)
fishstick557 14
HA
Voldy_fml 16
That's very unprofessional of them. I'm pretty sure you did nothing wrong, you just broke up. There's no need for them to be "watching you". OP's Ex needs to move on instead of making a big deal.
MEM0817 18
How do you know he didn't do anything wrong? You never know...
happle 21
Pretty sure he means in terms of the law.
pradip 26
You must have loved her so much, that you didn't care to ask about her parents.
skizza_fml 3
I think he knew she was cop's daughter, he's stating he's never going to date another cop's daughter in case this happens again.....
pradip 26
Yeah, I just assumed he didn't know, my bad.
xmaximusx 12
Should have asked them for a warrant before they could enter the premises
bybib 20
Actually if she had requested a civil stand by telling them that there may be issues in getting her things they were within their job and power. The whole we're watching you thing was a bit much though.
annie_nk 23
It's likely the ex girlfriend exaggerated a thing or two. OP didn't seem too worried about it seeing as he would be sleeping while she was over. So I don't see what the issue could have been.