Today, my ex-girlfriend was supposed to come pick up her things, and while I waited I took a nap. Thirty minutes later, I woke up with two police officers hammering on my door. They'd come to get my ex-girlfriend's things and said they were "watching me." That's the last time I date a cop's daughter. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a bunch of cops showed up at my house demanding to see my wife to make sure she was OK. Turns out my insane out-of-state daughter swatted me, calling 911 to tell them I had tied up my wife, and been impersonating her for a week. FML
Today, a girl I've been talking to online for a while asked me if I wanted to meet her in person. Two hours of driving later, I end up at her house. When she opened the door, she screamed and called the cops on me. While detained, she called my phone asking why I never showed up today. FML
Today, I got a call from the police that my house had been burglarized, but an off-duty cop caught the criminal. I pull up to see my detained, psycho ex-boyfriend sheepishly grinning at me. He had three of my lace panties and two of my bras, claiming it was "all for memories' sake". FML
Today, I had to call the police to get my crazy stalker of a neighbor out of my house. When the police arrived, I found out that she was friends with the officer. FML
Today, I put my headphones on and laid down to relax to some music. I fell asleep, and woke up later to a police officer busting into my house. My neighbor had been knocking on my door, then looked through my window and saw me on my couch, and was convinced I'd died. FML
Today, I decided I'd take a nap in my car because I got to work very early. As I was waking up from my nap, I saw a cop looking right at me. Turns out, a lady who'd parked her car right next to mine after I was asleep had called the cops on me because she thought I was dead. FML
Today, the cops showed up to my house and served me a child support order from the girl I had a one-night stand with, and who'd promised me she would abort the baby. All this was two years ago. My wife of three years was in the house and heard everything. She packed up her things and told me she’ll be calling her attorney. FML
Today, I was pulled over by the police. The cop was my ex-boyfriend. He had no legitimate reason to pull me over, so he thoroughly checked my car. He gave me a defect notice and a fine. What for? A broken door lock, on my rear passenger door. FML
Today, the police came to my door and told me about a woman who called the cops on me because she said that I had been following her in my car. We were on the highway. FML
Today, my mother showed up to pick something up from my house. I was sleeping and before I knew it she was in my bedroom, jumping on my bed, saying hi to my ex-girlfriend who she thought was with me. It wasn't my ex, and I doubt that girl will ever want to hang out again after that awkward morning. FML
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Top comments
Mindwarp 4
He needs to give it arrest.
pradip 26
Gf : i'm coming to get my things OP: Ok, i'm taking a nap.
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Comments (94)
ScarlieC 25
That's the last time you date a cop's daughter? Just out of curiosity, how many cop's daughters have you dated?
SoylentCandycorn 10
Sounds like your ex's dad needs to be a professional, and keep his feelings out of his damn job.
183933 6
You should have said you're all done with paying girls for sex so you'll never see her again.
Dcm210 19
what were you thinking dating a cop's daughter in the first place?
patrickalamo 48
File a complaint with internal affairs.
matt51698 2
Report the officers, they can be warned or even fired for their misconduct and illegal search and seizure.
MoeT8979 8
Report the cops... To the cops....? Ummm
MidnightOne 3
Better to tell them: "Warrant." When they can't present one, close the door in their faces. Hint: You're under NO obligation to let a cop into your place without cause - and them picking up your ex's stuff without her present doesn't meet that criteria.
MidnightOne 3
Or his ex beat the shit out of him. See how asinine assumptions work?
dabeast15 7
Hint hint spider man op
krissyXmurphy 5
well what did u do....