Today, I went to buy oat milk and got caught in an active shooter lockdown at the store. Oh, America, the only place where plant-based dairy is more accessible than mental healthcare. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to the cafeteria at work like I usually do, but couldn't find anything I liked. Turns out there's a new policy in place: the cafeteria is now serving only vegan foodstuffs. FML
Today, my mom yelled at me in the store so loudly and for so long, a crowd began to form. The reason? I didn’t know how much milk we had left at home. I don’t drink milk. FML
Today, as a barista, I tried to be quick during the morning rush. Someone asked for oat milk, so I grabbed the carton without checking. It wasn’t oat milk, it was the cleaning solution bottle we keep under the counter, same shape, same colour cap. Luckily I noticed before serving it, but my manager watched the entire thing in silence. FML
Today, being near-broke, I resorted to shopping at Walmart. Barely ten minutes in, an obese sack of lard posing as a human being shoved me away from the bacon I was looking at. I fell, busted my lip, then got screamed at by another woman for not watching where I was going. FML
Today, I was informed by a supermarket employee that yet another product that I loved to eat has been discontinued, due to low sales. FML
Today, one of our regular customers came in and was telling me he bought an assault rifle. I told him not to go off his meds and shoot up the store, as a joke. Later, my manager told me that the guy is on antidepressants and was discharged from the military for being "mentally unfit." FML
Today, I was waiting in line for what seemed like forever at the only open lane at the grocery store. The guy in front of me took his sweet time and had multiple cards rejected, before finally pulling out a $100 bill and demanding exact change. He was buying a carton of milk. FML
Today, I double checked with the barista to make sure my latte had soy milk. After a few sips, I could tell it wasn’t but it was too late. I’m so sensitive to dairy, I spent the rest of my work day trying to stifle the gut busting cramps and noxious fumes. I had a meeting I couldn’t reschedule. FML
Today, I had to admit that I desperately need anti-anxiety medication. Apparently, when you walk around a grocery store avoiding eye contact and generally acting "sketchy", management will call the police on you, who will then pat you down to be sure you aren't shoplifting. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store and saw my ex with her new partner. I tried to hide from them, but ended up getting locked in the store after closing time. I had to call security to let me out. FML
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Top comments
GoogieWithers 25
I can only assume that because you posted that you have got out unhurt. That is better than some people.
FluffythePink 24
Eh, in the UK mental health care is free but because the NHS now sucks, no one can access it unless they're holding a severed head and screaming the "walls told me to do it."
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Comments (4)
FluffythePink 24
Eh, in the UK mental health care is free but because the NHS now sucks, no one can access it unless they're holding a severed head and screaming the "walls told me to do it."
poopface82 25
You voted for it.
GoogieWithers 25
I can only assume that because you posted that you have got out unhurt. That is better than some people.
suntrkr 9
First, there's no such thing as "oatmilk". It's some highly processed concoction marketed to make gullible people think they're making healthy choices. Second, get in your vehicle of your choice, turn north and don't stop. You'll love Canada. You can become a subject of the king. Won't that be wonderful? They even have the metric system there.