Today, my girlfriend called me and told me she "had a surprise for me when I got home" in a sexy voice. So I hurried home, only to find a note saying she left me and took my dog. Deeply depressed, I went into the living room. She took my TV also. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I came home to my empty apartment. My girlfriend had left a note on the floor that said: "Took my stuff and left. Took your stuff and pawned it." FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me by taping a breakup note to my doorstep and ding-dong-ditching me. FML
Today, my girlfriend whom I'm crazy about broke up with me out of the blue. After pleading with her unsuccessfully, I called my mom for comfort and advice. She informed me that my dog had died. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was coming over for a surprise visit. I quickly tidied up, but not before shoving all my dirty laundry under the bed. When she arrived, she brought her dog in. Her dog immediately sniffed out the laundry and dragged my most embarrassing underwear into the living room while her parents watched. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours, hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming, "I meant it!" FML
Today, I told my girlfriend I loved her. She left and never came back. FML
Today, I sent my girlfriend a nice "Good morning" text after I woke up. Then I found a paper note stuck to my bedroom door, in which she broke up with me. FML
Today, I got home and found all my things thrown out into the yard, including the stuff from my mancave, which I spent thousands of dollars on. Apparently, my girlfriend stopped for a visit while my wife was home. I’d stupidly given her a key. Turns out my wife called out sick today. FML
Today, I texted my girlfriend to tell her that we couldn't hang out because my dog died this morning and we were burying him. She replied that she wasn't going to get stood up by a stupid dog. She then broke up with me. FML
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Top comments
amagaeru 0
Err...unless the two of you bought the dog and tv together, that's probably theft.
allmidnighteyes 11
At least you have your computer... And maybe her virginity as well?
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Comments (132)
SlapThatBitch 0
I expected nothing less than the utmost stupidity from someone named "pimpin"...and boy did you deliver! BTW, the feminists never asked YOU to accept them. You didn't really have a choice. ;D
Ultimate_Cynic 0
God damn, that's cold. All hail the true masters (or, rather, mistresses) of deception.
kfj19 0
i will fuuuuuuuuuck her up for you.
wajalama 0
you should give your ex also a surprise..the cops.
MacintoshDima 0
Press charges lmao...
FoundManyLemons 0
Call the cops.
bad_luck_champ 0
why would she do that to you? thats cold.....................did you do anything to have caused her to do such a thing?
Ruin11thHour 0
If I were you, either I would call the cops, or, I would find the bitch, stab her in the face, call the cops, and tell them that she committed suicide. Thats just me.
reagin 0
My ex did this to me -- only, he took my diamond jewelry as well as electronics. I made a police report, and they went and asked him about it. He told them he did not take any of my stuff, and since I didn't actually witness the theft, it's a he said / she said situation. So they can't do anything about it unless he tries to pawn something. His best friend fences stolen property as a side job, so I don't expect to see my things again any time soon...
Ruin11thHour 0
Thats sad. Sorry for you!
scriptswap 0
you should call the cops. no one has the right to steal your dog and your tv if you paid for it. Not even your ex-girlfriend