Today, my pregnant wife paged my emergency line at work. Thinking she was in serious danger, I raced home and found her hysterically crying. When I asked her what was going on, she replied, "The dogs won't stop barking!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my pregnant wife and I got separated while out shopping. She ended up having meltdown and crying so hard the manager had to call me over the PA. FML
Today, I called my wife from work to check in on her because she's eight months pregnant. She didn't answer. Instead she showed up at my work hysterically crying and screaming, "You don't love me because I'm a fat whale!" She then knocked everything off my desk. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me four times in a row at work. Worried, I stepped outside and answered the phone. Through tears, she screamed, "It's the cat!" Was he sick or hurt? "NO! He won't stop meowing!" FML
Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML
Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML
Today, I got a call from my local hospital's emergency room, stating my wife was in labour. My wife and I split years ago, but just haven't divorced. She's been telling everyone I'm the baby's father. My current girlfriend is 7 months pregnant with my child. FML
Today I saved my wife's puppy from drowning in an icy pond and I ended up in the ER struggling to breath from the water in my lungs. When my wife showed up to see me, I caught her flirting with my doctor. FML
Today, my very pregnant wife woke up in bed, grabbing her stomach and writhing in pain. Worried that the baby might be in distress, I asked her what was wrong. She gasped then let out what can only be described as a river of hot liquid shit all over herself and my legs. We both cried. FML
Today, my wife's water broke so I drove her to the hospital. After 16 hours without labor, I went home to get a little sleep. Four hours later I got the call and ran outside to find that my car was towed from my parking space. FML
Today, my manager made me stay at work for an extra four hours, making me miss an urgent specialist appointment I'd scheduled months ago. Why? Because her neighbor's dog was having puppies, and she wanted to go home early and see them. FML
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Top comments
Lizardgirl 7
I can't help but feel bad for OP's wife too. The poor woman must be full of hormones and is probably on an emotional rollercoaster right now.
BeccaHugs 17
I sympathize with her: dogs that bark for hours on end are incredibly annoying and frustrating. But think of it this way: if your wife had not called you, eventually your neighbours would have.
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Comments (136)
amifaiyaz 12
She's pregnant, be patient. I once broke down over not being able to sleep in a hotel because of my mom snoring.
IzzyIzebel323 13
oh those wonderful bipolar hormones, gotta love it
Kk_Waylen24 21
Aww poor girl:/ lot of stress being pregnant and dumb dogs won't stop barking!
toaster012 17
You chose to stick it in
dodzin 9
I was pregnant with my wife three times. I know how it was working. Be strong bro!
Neligee 9
Understand her. She's under a lot of stress !
eapoc 6
Give her a break! I had my baby this Christmas just gone and we wre still house training our puppy. I'm not surprised she was crying, poor thing. I don't think this is a worthy FML, you're going to have a beautiful child! And you're not even the one who has to suffer with the hormones.
katie1989 9
My daughter is 10 days old. Being pregnant is fresh in my mind and it is TERRIBLE!!! Poor girl probably just needed to sleep and some damn dog forgot its manners. Having dogs, I get that too.
GlitterGoddess 6
If she cannot even control the animals, don't count on her being able to control your offspring.
FlashBurn 13
Pregnncy hormones... another reason I will never have children. They make for one crazy woman! Emotional roller coaster, without brakes.