Today, my pregnant wife paged my emergency line at work. Thinking she was in serious danger, I raced home and found her hysterically crying. When I asked her what was going on, she replied, "The dogs won't stop barking!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my pregnant wife and I got separated while out shopping. She ended up having meltdown and crying so hard the manager had to call me over the PA. FML
Today, I called my wife from work to check in on her because she's eight months pregnant. She didn't answer. Instead she showed up at my work hysterically crying and screaming, "You don't love me because I'm a fat whale!" She then knocked everything off my desk. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me four times in a row at work. Worried, I stepped outside and answered the phone. Through tears, she screamed, "It's the cat!" Was he sick or hurt? "NO! He won't stop meowing!" FML
Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML
Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML
Today, I got a call from my local hospital's emergency room, stating my wife was in labour. My wife and I split years ago, but just haven't divorced. She's been telling everyone I'm the baby's father. My current girlfriend is 7 months pregnant with my child. FML
Today I saved my wife's puppy from drowning in an icy pond and I ended up in the ER struggling to breath from the water in my lungs. When my wife showed up to see me, I caught her flirting with my doctor. FML
Today, my very pregnant wife woke up in bed, grabbing her stomach and writhing in pain. Worried that the baby might be in distress, I asked her what was wrong. She gasped then let out what can only be described as a river of hot liquid shit all over herself and my legs. We both cried. FML
Today, my wife's water broke so I drove her to the hospital. After 16 hours without labor, I went home to get a little sleep. Four hours later I got the call and ran outside to find that my car was towed from my parking space. FML
Today, my manager made me stay at work for an extra four hours, making me miss an urgent specialist appointment I'd scheduled months ago. Why? Because her neighbor's dog was having puppies, and she wanted to go home early and see them. FML
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Top comments
Lizardgirl 7
I can't help but feel bad for OP's wife too. The poor woman must be full of hormones and is probably on an emotional rollercoaster right now.
BeccaHugs 17
I sympathize with her: dogs that bark for hours on end are incredibly annoying and frustrating. But think of it this way: if your wife had not called you, eventually your neighbours would have.
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Comments (136)
crazytwinsmom 25
OP could have called first just to make sure it was necessary for him to run home.
buddy51 23
Yes, because nothing says "I love you" better than a call evaluating a hormonally crazed pregnant woman and then telling her "It's not enough of an emergency for me to come help you!" Good response, OP, good response indeed. I predict some failed relationships in #41's past, present and future.
BellaBelle_fml 23
I tolerated your poor sarcasm until I read the last line. That was completely unnecessary and rather hurtful. Good response, 91, good response indeed.
simplysarcastics 26
It's just her hormones raging. Things she eats, hears becomes amplified to her since she is pregnant. She will also be moody, emotional etc.
Chumsword 8
Don't forget the incredible sense of smell.
simplysarcastics 26
I knew i was leaving out something. My fifth grade teacher yelled at me because she could smell my grape gum, pregnant women can be scary...
etishuman22 32
You sound like you're not a very understanding person. She's not "immature", she's PREGNANT. She's building an entirely new life within her, and those hormones make you do crazy things and cry over the littlest things. I know a story that my parents told me that while my mother was pregnant with me: my dad thought he'd be nice and clean out the fridge for her. Well, there was a tomato in there, and my mom craved tomatoes throughout her pregnancy with me. Instead of thanking my dad for cleaning out the fridge when she discovered it, she burst into tears over the "wasted" tomato. Also, I believe OP could have had it worse, OP's wife could have been crying over "furniture not living up to its destiny". So settle down there, trigger.
perdix 31
Who let the dogs out? Who? Who? Who? Who?
polkaspot 3
No you didn't.
FlyingPie 17
That's ruff.
MitchellB1026 8
Tell that bitch to shut up that's ******* stupid
Hazelino 25
You're the one who got her pregnant in the first place. I say: deal with it.
stevothedevo 25
A green steak will solve the problem.
Stefanie88 24
Don't be too hard on her...pregnancy hormones are probably kicking in, but FYL op