Today, my pregnant wife paged my emergency line at work. Thinking she was in serious danger, I raced home and found her hysterically crying. When I asked her what was going on, she replied, "The dogs won't stop barking!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my pregnant wife and I got separated while out shopping. She ended up having meltdown and crying so hard the manager had to call me over the PA. FML
Today, I called my wife from work to check in on her because she's eight months pregnant. She didn't answer. Instead she showed up at my work hysterically crying and screaming, "You don't love me because I'm a fat whale!" She then knocked everything off my desk. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me four times in a row at work. Worried, I stepped outside and answered the phone. Through tears, she screamed, "It's the cat!" Was he sick or hurt? "NO! He won't stop meowing!" FML
Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML
Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML
Today, I got a call from my local hospital's emergency room, stating my wife was in labour. My wife and I split years ago, but just haven't divorced. She's been telling everyone I'm the baby's father. My current girlfriend is 7 months pregnant with my child. FML
Today I saved my wife's puppy from drowning in an icy pond and I ended up in the ER struggling to breath from the water in my lungs. When my wife showed up to see me, I caught her flirting with my doctor. FML
Today, my very pregnant wife woke up in bed, grabbing her stomach and writhing in pain. Worried that the baby might be in distress, I asked her what was wrong. She gasped then let out what can only be described as a river of hot liquid shit all over herself and my legs. We both cried. FML
Today, my wife's water broke so I drove her to the hospital. After 16 hours without labor, I went home to get a little sleep. Four hours later I got the call and ran outside to find that my car was towed from my parking space. FML
Today, my manager made me stay at work for an extra four hours, making me miss an urgent specialist appointment I'd scheduled months ago. Why? Because her neighbor's dog was having puppies, and she wanted to go home early and see them. FML
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Top comments
Lizardgirl 7
I can't help but feel bad for OP's wife too. The poor woman must be full of hormones and is probably on an emotional rollercoaster right now.
BeccaHugs 17
I sympathize with her: dogs that bark for hours on end are incredibly annoying and frustrating. But think of it this way: if your wife had not called you, eventually your neighbours would have.
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Comments (136)
perdix 31
Unless you've got shit dogs, they only bark incessantly when something is wrong. Be a man and investigate the problem without whining to the world about it.
Connect 10
He wasn't whining about it. She was. He was telling us of his poor hormonal wife.
TheRealBruce 12
Normally your comments aren't in bad taste like this one perdix
RedPillSucks 33
Perdix is not know for letting bad taste get in the way of a good snarky comment. (now, bad testes, is another matter).
perdix 31
#21, #32, do either of you have dogs? Unless you've got crappy, nervous, untrained dogs, they just don't bark continuously for no reason. His FML is his way of whining to us that he had to go home and take care of his pregnant wife.
botanistjessica 24
I used to have two dogs that just stood in front of the window and barked at everything, for no reason. And they were fine otherwise. So I must politely disagree with you, Perdix.
RedPillSucks 33
What happened to them? Meatloaf?
botanistjessica 24
They got old and died :'( RIP puppy dogs.
dr_snow_bear 29
Good on you OP for going home and checking on her!
ananas99_fml 10
She is stupid...
Inna0 2
She's stupid. Just because she got knocked up doesn't mean she should be incapable of handling every day tasks. She was not helpless in the situation, she was just being stupid and immature.
MuseFan1991 14
54-i hope you get pregnant just so you can see how 'immature' she really was. even more so if you're male
sabrinaacrow 26
Don't call her stupid when you don't know her, I'm sure she's not, and I'm sure she's a lot nicer than you
lndala 15
#54 have you ever been pregnant? If not, please kindly refrain from insulting pregnant women. You're probably going to be an "immature" pregnant person with an attitude like that.
redsoxgrl824 11
#54 actually you're being the "stupid & immature" one. How do you know she may be bed ridden and cannot get up to calm the dog down and she is overwhelmed. Think before you type next time.
titibug823 11
She's pregnant. Her body is RAGING with hormones right now. She is allowed to act like a crazy person.
GoldenTaco 3
Sounds like a "ruff" situation. Haha, no? Okay.
CaptTeemo 10
I kinda found it funny haha
GoldenTaco 3
Thank you, good sir.
cwells0430 12
Lmfao nice.
Radoh 3
Yeah, that'll happen with pregnancies.
etishuman22 32
Poor OP's wife! Congrats to you guys, and just know that she might be driving you crazy, but she's the one carrying your child! Be grateful you don't have to go through what she's going through! :)
01Ben21 10
Hormones, they'll get you every time.
babeababe 16
Buy her some cake, and then buy the dogs some bones to chew. Problem solved.
mattorama 15
OP can't keep his dogs in line, and can't keep his wife in line. YDI.