Today, for my birthday, my boyfriend made me a coupon book. I thought it was sweet until I noticed they were all conditional. For example; "Give your boyfriend a blowjob and he'll give you a 10 minute back massage!". They're all like that and he's mad because I refuse to use them. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband took me out for my birthday dinner. When it was time to pay, he took out a stack of gift cards. I asked where he got them, and he said he got them as a bundle at Costco, and saved sixty bucks on the meal. He then got annoyed with me when I told him it made me not want birthday sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me a card for my birthday and told me to open it 10 minutes after he'd gone; I waited for 5. In the card was written, "It's not working out, but here's $20." FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to gift me soap, a razor, and deodorant for my birthday. FML
Today, I surprised my boyfriend by buying him an expensive watch for his birthday. He responded with "Aww, you could've just given me head, babe." FML
Today, for my birthday, my boyfriend presented me with his cock with a ribbon on it. Basically, HE wanted sex for MY birthday and had the nerve to accuse me of being ungrateful. For his birthday last month, I gave him multiple Xbox games. He couldn’t even be bothered to get me flowers. FML
Today, the only thing I got for my birthday was my boyfriend's offer to give me "the gift of anal". FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me acne cream for my birthday. FML
Today, it's my 8 year anniversary. My boyfriend's "romantic" gesture for the occasion was to toss a few McDonald's coupons at me and tell me to get whatever I wanted. FML
Today, as it's my birthday, I was hoping for a nice present from my boyfriend. What did he get me? A PornHub account. FML
Today, it’s my birthday. My boyfriend handed me this month’s rental statement with “Paid” written in red ink. He says it’s my gift, because, "that shit adds up every month" and I should be "grateful" that I have a roof over my head for another month instead of being "materialistic." FML
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Top comments
604 11
If he asks why you're not using them, tell him you already did; they were accepted by a competitor for double the value.
queenofirony 12
Give him a coupon for one sleep on the couch.
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Comments (126)
ihavenolifehaha 16
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Why refuse to use them? It's your own boyfriend?
Ms_ValS 27
Because those are way bigger treats for him and he considers this a birthday present for her.
jazzy_123 20
because he's thinking mostly of himself. "a massage for a ********" heck no! and plus, it's not like she owes him a ********. Just in case you didn't know, we ARE allowed to refuse to give any and they better respect it.
ihavenolifehaha 16
Yeah, I kinda regret writing that comment. It's late and I just now realize it was pretty dumb. Lol...
aureshion 5
@damnitstrue I agree. my girlfriend should never feel forced to give me anything of sexual persuasion. if she feels like giving me a ******* for whatever reason she can do so. but I would never demand something like that as a favor. especially if its her birthday
itsallokaynow 6
I actually really like that you came forward and apologized. Props to you
mikey7 13
What if the guy is a professional
Noela Abney 5
because the coupons are all about him DUH. what a shitty birthday gift
queenofirony 12
Give him a coupon for one sleep on the couch.
shay_serendipity 29
And even better, it'll be a buy one get another free!
giantsfan2010 23
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Can't blame the guy for trying!
clumsylobster 17
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Just like you can't blame hitler for trying?
fakedsincerity 32
Ah yes. Comparing people to Hitler. Inappropriate and nonsensical.
ChristianH39 30
Don't forget unoriginal.
Zebediabolical 45
Say what you want about Hitler. At least he killed Hitler. AND the dude who killed Hitler.
maemismile 22
Why yes, you can blame the guy for trying. Asshole...
Ms_ValS 27
Wow you got yourself a jackass OP!
DFMLharsh 20
A man tried. - Valar Dohaeris
mezochan 29
A man is an idiot. -Me
604 11
If he asks why you're not using them, tell him you already did; they were accepted by a competitor for double the value.
Polynomial 28
You win.
604 11
Hooray!
adrian_robber2 7
Edit
hunterluv1 20
how inconsiderate. you would think it being your birthday he would be a little less selfish.
Purexinsanity 46
#12 that's probably because they benefit him just as much if not more than they benefit her.
adrian_robber2 7
Tell him they have expired already
igg125 30
Looks like he gave himself your present
Bricktothehead 21
Get the leaf blower.