Today, for my birthday, my boyfriend made me a coupon book. I thought it was sweet until I noticed they were all conditional. For example; "Give your boyfriend a blowjob and he'll give you a 10 minute back massage!". They're all like that and he's mad because I refuse to use them. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband took me out for my birthday dinner. When it was time to pay, he took out a stack of gift cards. I asked where he got them, and he said he got them as a bundle at Costco, and saved sixty bucks on the meal. He then got annoyed with me when I told him it made me not want birthday sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me a card for my birthday and told me to open it 10 minutes after he'd gone; I waited for 5. In the card was written, "It's not working out, but here's $20." FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to gift me soap, a razor, and deodorant for my birthday. FML
Today, I surprised my boyfriend by buying him an expensive watch for his birthday. He responded with "Aww, you could've just given me head, babe." FML
Today, for my birthday, my boyfriend presented me with his cock with a ribbon on it. Basically, HE wanted sex for MY birthday and had the nerve to accuse me of being ungrateful. For his birthday last month, I gave him multiple Xbox games. He couldn’t even be bothered to get me flowers. FML
Today, the only thing I got for my birthday was my boyfriend's offer to give me "the gift of anal". FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me acne cream for my birthday. FML
Today, it's my 8 year anniversary. My boyfriend's "romantic" gesture for the occasion was to toss a few McDonald's coupons at me and tell me to get whatever I wanted. FML
Today, as it's my birthday, I was hoping for a nice present from my boyfriend. What did he get me? A PornHub account. FML
Today, it’s my birthday. My boyfriend handed me this month’s rental statement with “Paid” written in red ink. He says it’s my gift, because, "that shit adds up every month" and I should be "grateful" that I have a roof over my head for another month instead of being "materialistic." FML
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Top comments
604 11
If he asks why you're not using them, tell him you already did; they were accepted by a competitor for double the value.
queenofirony 12
Give him a coupon for one sleep on the couch.
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Comments (126)
fader48080 10
that's not even a fair ratio. a good bj is worth at least an hour full body massage.
CrazedSanity 17
You mean former boyfriend, right?
jakeyjakey1232 9
Just suck him off and stop complaining. You should be lucky to have him spunk in your mouth
leogachi 15
Giving head is not a privilege, but getting head is. He should feel lucky to have a girlfriend that knows it.
Aimeejasmine 15
Ahh this would be annoying to read if it wasn't blindingly obvious you'll never get a date if you're that incredibly sexist :)
In_Hiding1234 1
If you love him, put up with the bullshit coupons to make him happy
leogachi 15
That's not fair, though. He tried giving himself a present for her birthday and acted like he was doing her a favor. He shouldn't be rewarded for that.
iwadasn 33
So he's completely unwilling to do anything for you without first getting something in return, even on your birthday? A guy like that isn't worth your time.
Hop6e 22
You should make him one and see how he takes it.
Sheah_95 11
Kind of negates the whole "gift," thing if he wants something in return.
Ta2dMom 2
You don't add conditions to gifts. Adding conditions makes it a negotiated service NOT a gift. I'm really sorry you have a shitty (hopefully ex) boyfriend OP.
Weirddate 11
On his birthday, give him coupons that include the price of going down on you, buying you expensive gifts, following you around carrying your bags as you shop, and anything else that he will "enjoy."
Moniquey73 13
Dump him