Today, for my birthday, my boyfriend made me a coupon book. I thought it was sweet until I noticed they were all conditional. For example; "Give your boyfriend a blowjob and he'll give you a 10 minute back massage!". They're all like that and he's mad because I refuse to use them. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband took me out for my birthday dinner. When it was time to pay, he took out a stack of gift cards. I asked where he got them, and he said he got them as a bundle at Costco, and saved sixty bucks on the meal. He then got annoyed with me when I told him it made me not want birthday sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me a card for my birthday and told me to open it 10 minutes after he'd gone; I waited for 5. In the card was written, "It's not working out, but here's $20." FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to gift me soap, a razor, and deodorant for my birthday. FML
Today, I surprised my boyfriend by buying him an expensive watch for his birthday. He responded with "Aww, you could've just given me head, babe." FML
Today, for my birthday, my boyfriend presented me with his cock with a ribbon on it. Basically, HE wanted sex for MY birthday and had the nerve to accuse me of being ungrateful. For his birthday last month, I gave him multiple Xbox games. He couldn’t even be bothered to get me flowers. FML
Today, the only thing I got for my birthday was my boyfriend's offer to give me "the gift of anal". FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me acne cream for my birthday. FML
Today, it's my 8 year anniversary. My boyfriend's "romantic" gesture for the occasion was to toss a few McDonald's coupons at me and tell me to get whatever I wanted. FML
Today, as it's my birthday, I was hoping for a nice present from my boyfriend. What did he get me? A PornHub account. FML
Today, it’s my birthday. My boyfriend handed me this month’s rental statement with “Paid” written in red ink. He says it’s my gift, because, "that shit adds up every month" and I should be "grateful" that I have a roof over my head for another month instead of being "materialistic." FML
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Top comments
604 11
If he asks why you're not using them, tell him you already did; they were accepted by a competitor for double the value.
queenofirony 12
Give him a coupon for one sleep on the couch.
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Comments (126)
mountainmanmike 11
Haha, right! He killed it for himself.
pl0xs3rver 45
What a horrible present to get you, I'm sorry.
Makko 20
Men will be men
False_Stupidity 42
Sorry but don't paint us all with the same brush.
GigaPudding_fml 24
I hate it when people use this expression to justify guys doing stupid things. It's not like all men are the same?
keyofdestiny13 24
I would love something like that. ******* for a back massage is so worth it.
Kempeth 5
I totally agree! ... Oh wait. OP's the woman not the man.
leogachi 15
I'm guessing you actually like giving head. Most girls don't, and a "present" like that is inconsiderate. And personally, I think it's offensive.
dakatabg 31
Unappreciated gift
allplayedout 20
Giving someone what's basically a "buy one, get a free sample" coupon isn't a present.
Noela Abney 5
anyone who has you for a partner is terribly unlucky
jadeleepenguin 29
I hope he got you something else too. I don't see anything wrong with the coupons though.
Aimeejasmine 15
I guess you like to be used even on your birthday then..
jadeleepenguin 29
I don't see it as being used at all. You can't just expect everything to be handed to you in life. So what if he gets something too. If he's a decent boyfriend, he deserves it. Can't blame a guy for trying.
cristy91 33
The point of the coupons as a gift is because it's a treat. Like, it's one day and a limited number of coupons, he could have AT LEAST made half of them unconditional. The sentiment behind something like what he did is "I can't give you pleasure if I don't get pleasure too" and thats kinda ****** up for a gift, I would be upset too (and even if you love giving blow jobs, it's still work)
mezochan 29
You shouldn't have to "pay" for a ten minute back rub from your significant other.
alitairi 18
#60 even when you really enjoy giving ********, it's still her pleasing him a lot for a little 10 minute massage. what that coupon should have said is "your boyfriend will give you oral AND a 10 minute massage" it's her freakin birthday. you're supposed to give and spoil your SO on that day.
Noela Abney 5
And thats why you will have shitty relationships. Because you dont know how to recognize a decent guy. A decent guy wouldnt do this.
idxntgiveafxck 17
I wouldn't mind... Well yeah I would, just the massage though, I hate massages.
Miss_Whipped 43
Aaaaand on this side of the bridge, you'll see why Lake Fuckmylife is one of our more famous tourist hotspots. Off to the right, you may notice several women here with their fishing rods, hunting for a little attention!
idxntgiveafxck 17
Nah b, chill
Aimeejasmine 15
Lmao who cares, by the sounds of it she needs the attention
Miss_Whipped 43
Hardly. I just noticed that the comment section contained things along the lines of 'So? I'd do it!' That's fantastic, you like to suck dick. That's not why we're here. We're here because OP's boyfriend did a rather selfish thing by making it sound like a massage wasn't something that could be given freely, that it had to be earned.
steam_engenius 21
Haha! Yep.
abNormal62 23
The gift that was intended to keep on giving sadly, never took flight, not even once......
Kempeth 5
Soo many possible combacks... A) Get Massage first and at the 10 minute mark say to him "don't stop please". Then suck dick for a few moments and stop. When he says "Hey don't stop! I'm not done yet." simply answer: "Well that didn't stop you earlier." A2) BJ first variant: "What? You mean 1 minute is not enough to satisfy you?" - "NO!" - "Good because 10 minutes in not enough to satisfy me either." B) Birthday gift for him: "Give your gf a 30min back massage and she'll use one of your coupons" coupons. C) Give him a coupon: "Stop acting like a selfish prick towards your girlfriend and she'll stay with you"