Today, after ignoring my concerns and declaring that "safety equipment is for pussies", my husband went rock climbing for the first time. He only sprained his ankle, but is acting like it's broken. He's now playing video games in bed and pissing in a bucket, because walking is "too painful." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after breaking my leg, I'm unable to put any weight on it whatsoever. Our bedroom? Upstairs. Our only bathroom? Basement. My husband thought it would be a great idea to leave me alone and unable to walk to go babysit his nieces. I had to piss in a bucket. FML
Today, I slipped and sprained my ankle while shopping for a present for my husband, who later came home and tripped over my elevated leg, hurting my ankle again. Now I have an excruciating sprain, and a spouse who's furious at me because, I "shouldn't have tried to surprise him." FML
Today, proving that there's no limit to the stupid shit people will do, my husband called me from hospital, needing a lift home. He tried planking on top of his car while his buddies sped it down a hill, and I now have to take care of him while his broken leg heals. FML
Today, I tripped really hard and twisted my ankle on a toy that was on the floor, dropping a bag of trash filled with coffee and energy drinks my husband has piled around his desk. Instead of helping me up or helping me clean, he berated me about it. Told me that it's not my problem and went to his LoL game. FML
Today, I took my kids to an indoor playground. My two year-old wanted me to climb the rock wall and ring the bell. I slipped right when I was about to touch it. I landed wrong and felt a 'POP' and agony. Hello, broken ankle. FML
Today, my husband is finally fully recovered from getting decompression sickness during our scuba diving vacation. Today is also the day I snapped my femur in half while skiing. FML
Today, my husband injured his back badly. He's taken three Percocets, because according to him, he knows the dosage better than his doctor, and is demanding that I let him drive himself to work, with no pants on. FML
Today, I had my first real break from work in ages, so I decided to go hiking. Less than 20 minutes in, I tumbled a couple hundred feet down a steep hill, broke my leg and several toes, and lay there in agony for an eternity before I was finally rescued. FML
Today, as I was on the floor playing with the dog, my husband walked past, tripped over something, and fell on me, smashing his bony elbow right into my crotch. FML
Today, after spending two hard months losing 20 pounds of my 80 pound goal, I was actually excited to exercise. After I was done exercising, I fell down the stairs and broke my ankle. FML
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Top comments
Nymeria_fml 25
It seems like "walking's for *******" now.
gunda95 11
His logic is sound. Video games cure everything.
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Comments (122)
ThatOneGuy678945 1
You're dad is awesome.
tinklovr_23 8
Sprains hurt worse than breaks!
LigerFan 1
The peeing in a bucket IS a bit much.
CandyApple88 13
if it didn't destroy the bed, i'd have emptied the piss bucket into his face and told him to stop being such a pansy arsed little bitch.
XPENGUINWAFFLEX 3
Sounds like an awesome dude. I'd like to shake his hand.
allplayedout 20
Don't empty the bucket. Don't do it.
cassandra__ann 2
Sprains are actually worse than breaks, ligaments and tendons take longer to heal than a bone because they don't get enough blood supply especially in the ankles. Educate yourself.
Abbidon 4
Is your boyfriend Andy from Parks and Recreation?
Mielai 3
Sprains hurt more than breaks
akabbitt 3
LOL...They are such babies!