Today, after ignoring my concerns and declaring that "safety equipment is for pussies", my husband went rock climbing for the first time. He only sprained his ankle, but is acting like it's broken. He's now playing video games in bed and pissing in a bucket, because walking is "too painful." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after breaking my leg, I'm unable to put any weight on it whatsoever. Our bedroom? Upstairs. Our only bathroom? Basement. My husband thought it would be a great idea to leave me alone and unable to walk to go babysit his nieces. I had to piss in a bucket. FML
Today, I slipped and sprained my ankle while shopping for a present for my husband, who later came home and tripped over my elevated leg, hurting my ankle again. Now I have an excruciating sprain, and a spouse who's furious at me because, I "shouldn't have tried to surprise him." FML
Today, proving that there's no limit to the stupid shit people will do, my husband called me from hospital, needing a lift home. He tried planking on top of his car while his buddies sped it down a hill, and I now have to take care of him while his broken leg heals. FML
Today, I tripped really hard and twisted my ankle on a toy that was on the floor, dropping a bag of trash filled with coffee and energy drinks my husband has piled around his desk. Instead of helping me up or helping me clean, he berated me about it. Told me that it's not my problem and went to his LoL game. FML
Today, I took my kids to an indoor playground. My two year-old wanted me to climb the rock wall and ring the bell. I slipped right when I was about to touch it. I landed wrong and felt a 'POP' and agony. Hello, broken ankle. FML
Today, my husband is finally fully recovered from getting decompression sickness during our scuba diving vacation. Today is also the day I snapped my femur in half while skiing. FML
Today, my husband injured his back badly. He's taken three Percocets, because according to him, he knows the dosage better than his doctor, and is demanding that I let him drive himself to work, with no pants on. FML
Today, I had my first real break from work in ages, so I decided to go hiking. Less than 20 minutes in, I tumbled a couple hundred feet down a steep hill, broke my leg and several toes, and lay there in agony for an eternity before I was finally rescued. FML
Today, as I was on the floor playing with the dog, my husband walked past, tripped over something, and fell on me, smashing his bony elbow right into my crotch. FML
Today, after spending two hard months losing 20 pounds of my 80 pound goal, I was actually excited to exercise. After I was done exercising, I fell down the stairs and broke my ankle. FML
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Top comments
Nymeria_fml 25
It seems like "walking's for *******" now.
gunda95 11
His logic is sound. Video games cure everything.
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Comments (122)
dudecall 18
Woah first fml from my province that I noticed. Shitty to hear that op, you should tell him pussys are one of the most durable things on this planet, good luck with piss bucket.
BrotherPhil 35
Ah, diddums! Tell him to grow a pair and wear the right gear next time.
CryoShock 14
If you're going to the bathroom, you're not playing Battlefield.
skyeyez9 25
OP, you better not be enabling his behavior by emptying the piss bucket a d catering to his whims.
vikky538 29
he is a pussy afterall..
Reihna_fml 14
Yes, now that he has proven himself to be a pussy, perhaps OP can convince him of his aching need for safety equipment for future adventures.
gpg5 19
If he asks for sex tell him it's "too painful"
Lucifer42582 4
You can't complain, you culled him from the herd...
SoTrue17 8
Actually a sprain hurts worse then a broken ankle
Dynosaur_dollie 38
If it hurts to much to walk that he feels the need to piss in a bucket, what's he doing when he needs to take a dump?
itsme82 18
Let me guess you're waiting on him hand and foot too. If you so, you need to stop. If he isn't getting special attention he is going get bored really fast.