Today, on the first day of my nanny job, I wanted to impress my employers with how trustworthy and responsible I am. During the sixty seconds that I went to pee, the two-year-old found a black Sharpie and scribbled all over the wall. Nail polish remover made it ten times worse. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I babysat my niece and thought a quick shower would be fine. I left her watching cartoons with a blanket and returned to find she’d used washable paints on the carpet and her hands, leaving tiny colorful footprints to the couch. Her proud smile made me forgive the mess, but I spent the evening scrubbing. FML
Today, I saw some pretty heinous graffiti on the urinal stall at school, so I opted to scribble it out. A supervisor came in the second the pen touched the stall. Now I have detention and have to scrub the entire stall clean as a "lesson". FML
Today, I left the living room for 3 minutes to make a coffee. When I went back, my 4-year old had found a permanent marker, God knows where, since I don't own a permanent marker. She'd then drawn on her face, the carpet, wall, sofa, both dogs and as an added bonus the TV screen. FML
Today, while babysitting my neighbors' kids, their oldest son used a paint pen on the carpet. The boy blamed me and I got fired. He's only 3 and can barely talk. FML
Today, I was washing dishes while my 2-year-old was napping… or so I thought. When I finished and went to check on her, I found she'd taken off her diaper and smeared poop all over the carpet. She must have been up a while because it was everywhere. I spent the next hour scrubbing. FML
Today, I had to clean up after the kid who discovered he could finger paint with his poo. FML
Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML
Today, my toddler was supposed to be taking a nap. Instead, he decided it was the perfect time to remove his own nappy for the first time ever. He painted his walls, floor, bed and body, then started crying because he was dirty. FML
Today, I volunteered to babysit my niece. How hard can it be to entertain a toddler for a few hours? Turns out, very hard. Within minutes, she'd turned the living room into a war zone, with crayon graffiti and a trail of sticky handprints leading to who knows where. By the time her parents got back, I was ready to sign up for a lifetime supply of earplugs. FML
Today, I awoke to make-up all over my face and nail polish on my hands and feet because my daughter wanted "daddy to look pretty." I have a job interview in an hour and none of it is coming off. FML
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Top comments
wazzup182FML 3
you take 60 seconds to pee XD
LaylaFurious 0
use the mr. clean magic eraser extra strength! works like a charm lol.
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Comments (161)
frosting1012 0
mix butter and water.
Shafreeka 8
Butter and water? Hmmm, that sounds interesting...
Flutist 3
Yea, makes a great lube too.
staceysgenesis16 0
hmm? butter and water?
xosmiilexo 0
Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. Works awesome.
osnapitzarii 0
YDI for trying to use nail polish remover to get it off. A pencil eraser or rubbing alcohol would have worked just fine.
sassyssg 1
rubbing alcohol takes out sharpie... (try hair spray)
kasumii 1
How did the kid even get a Sharpie?
Rainbow35 6
I'd assume there was one in the room somewhere.
justthinkaboutit 2
Exactly.... that's the parents fault!!!
candychellecoan 0
regular toothpaste takes sharpie off :)
LostinDuluth 0
hairspray removes permanent marker just FYI.
HahaYDI 0
If they can afford a nanny some paint should be no problem. They'll get over it. Hopefully they didn't fire you, it's not like you can watch their every movement all day.
Flutist 3
Isn't that what a nanny is supposed to do--watch the kid every moment of the day. And it is one two year old. A nanny knows you don't leave a kid in a room where there is something it can get into.
bischkeboy 3
if you go over it with a dry erase marker, it comes right off
luckylindalu 2
Yeah. You can't use acetone to get permanent marker off. You need an ethanol based product. All those flammable things do in fact have ethanol. However, the higher the percentage the better. So I suppose grain alcohol would work. I don't know. We use molecular grade ethanol in the lab to remove marks.