Today, on the first day of my nanny job, I wanted to impress my employers with how trustworthy and responsible I am. During the sixty seconds that I went to pee, the two-year-old found a black Sharpie and scribbled all over the wall. Nail polish remover made it ten times worse. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I babysat my niece and thought a quick shower would be fine. I left her watching cartoons with a blanket and returned to find she’d used washable paints on the carpet and her hands, leaving tiny colorful footprints to the couch. Her proud smile made me forgive the mess, but I spent the evening scrubbing. FML
Today, I saw some pretty heinous graffiti on the urinal stall at school, so I opted to scribble it out. A supervisor came in the second the pen touched the stall. Now I have detention and have to scrub the entire stall clean as a "lesson". FML
Today, I left the living room for 3 minutes to make a coffee. When I went back, my 4-year old had found a permanent marker, God knows where, since I don't own a permanent marker. She'd then drawn on her face, the carpet, wall, sofa, both dogs and as an added bonus the TV screen. FML
Today, while babysitting my neighbors' kids, their oldest son used a paint pen on the carpet. The boy blamed me and I got fired. He's only 3 and can barely talk. FML
Today, I was washing dishes while my 2-year-old was napping… or so I thought. When I finished and went to check on her, I found she'd taken off her diaper and smeared poop all over the carpet. She must have been up a while because it was everywhere. I spent the next hour scrubbing. FML
Today, I had to clean up after the kid who discovered he could finger paint with his poo. FML
Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML
Today, my toddler was supposed to be taking a nap. Instead, he decided it was the perfect time to remove his own nappy for the first time ever. He painted his walls, floor, bed and body, then started crying because he was dirty. FML
Today, I volunteered to babysit my niece. How hard can it be to entertain a toddler for a few hours? Turns out, very hard. Within minutes, she'd turned the living room into a war zone, with crayon graffiti and a trail of sticky handprints leading to who knows where. By the time her parents got back, I was ready to sign up for a lifetime supply of earplugs. FML
Today, I awoke to make-up all over my face and nail polish on my hands and feet because my daughter wanted "daddy to look pretty." I have a job interview in an hour and none of it is coming off. FML
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Top comments
wazzup182FML 3
you take 60 seconds to pee XD
LaylaFurious 0
use the mr. clean magic eraser extra strength! works like a charm lol.
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Comments (161)
Blueglasscup 18
Hey think of the bright side! Oh wait there isn't any.
dezinspaaace 0
nail polish remover??
snowboarder25 0
yea gets anything off! even super glue!
OasC82 0
word^^
pookoo 4
eucalyptus oil, if u can get it, is brilliant.
dreamering 16
Ask gayboii
jswizzle_ 6
hairspray usually gets permanent marker off things
dgr8ing 0
lol
cupcakeslayer 0
clothing only. from experience it can damage paint. rubbing alcohol also works (supposedly why hairspray works)
mexicotoucher 7
basically anything with alcohol works. I use deo (that have alcohol) to get rid of that stuff. Plus the room smells good.
dreamering 16
I think you should learn how to paint, and soon.
TraceCase_ 19
I felt bad for you, like it could happen to anyone, until I got to the part where you made it so much worse by using nail polish remover. Not smart.
rightsaidred 3
Permanent marker is alcohol based. Rubbing alcohol will remove it.
effedml 5
thx for that tip. will try it today.
imcheerish 0
it's a perminent marker
mellb_fml 3
This is why I don't go to the toilet when I'm babysitting! Once there was blue pen on the arm of the couch, the next there was glitter everywhere!
lauraaaaaa_fml 7
She wasn't babysitting though, she was on her new job as a nanny, which most likely requires her to be there the whole day. If you can go an entire day without needing to go to the toilet even once, I applaud you. And also think you probably don't have a high enough fluid intake.
mellb_fml 3
Babysitting doesn't mean an hour or so, I babysit every friday for seven hours, and yeah I just don't drink or I go before I come round and as soon as I get home :P I used to take them in with me when they were younger but they just mess around in there now anyway! P.S. they're my youngest brother and sister
instnt1nfction 17
27--challenge accepted
claireful 4
I was a nanny for twin 9 month olds one summer. when I went to the bathroom one of them had climbed over the couch, past the naby gate, into the kitchen and grabbed my soda can and was trying to drink from it. and it definately took me less than 60 seconds to pee... kids are just crazy. they must plan things out and wait till you're not looking