Today, on the first day of my nanny job, I wanted to impress my employers with how trustworthy and responsible I am. During the sixty seconds that I went to pee, the two-year-old found a black Sharpie and scribbled all over the wall. Nail polish remover made it ten times worse. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I babysat my niece and thought a quick shower would be fine. I left her watching cartoons with a blanket and returned to find she’d used washable paints on the carpet and her hands, leaving tiny colorful footprints to the couch. Her proud smile made me forgive the mess, but I spent the evening scrubbing. FML
Today, I saw some pretty heinous graffiti on the urinal stall at school, so I opted to scribble it out. A supervisor came in the second the pen touched the stall. Now I have detention and have to scrub the entire stall clean as a "lesson". FML
Today, I left the living room for 3 minutes to make a coffee. When I went back, my 4-year old had found a permanent marker, God knows where, since I don't own a permanent marker. She'd then drawn on her face, the carpet, wall, sofa, both dogs and as an added bonus the TV screen. FML
Today, while babysitting my neighbors' kids, their oldest son used a paint pen on the carpet. The boy blamed me and I got fired. He's only 3 and can barely talk. FML
Today, I was washing dishes while my 2-year-old was napping… or so I thought. When I finished and went to check on her, I found she'd taken off her diaper and smeared poop all over the carpet. She must have been up a while because it was everywhere. I spent the next hour scrubbing. FML
Today, I had to clean up after the kid who discovered he could finger paint with his poo. FML
Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML
Today, my toddler was supposed to be taking a nap. Instead, he decided it was the perfect time to remove his own nappy for the first time ever. He painted his walls, floor, bed and body, then started crying because he was dirty. FML
Today, I volunteered to babysit my niece. How hard can it be to entertain a toddler for a few hours? Turns out, very hard. Within minutes, she'd turned the living room into a war zone, with crayon graffiti and a trail of sticky handprints leading to who knows where. By the time her parents got back, I was ready to sign up for a lifetime supply of earplugs. FML
Today, I awoke to make-up all over my face and nail polish on my hands and feet because my daughter wanted "daddy to look pretty." I have a job interview in an hour and none of it is coming off. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
wazzup182FML 3
you take 60 seconds to pee XD
LaylaFurious 0
use the mr. clean magic eraser extra strength! works like a charm lol.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (161)
minniejenn 3
for future reference, running alcohol or even hand sanitizer will remove sharpie masterpieces.
amogletree 6
Use lacquer thinner! It works great for removing sharpie
GemmaAnne 10
Oh hairspray works good
jajajanie 13
I would have taken the kid on a trip to home depot... lmfao
fantasyworld 39
Rubbing alcohol helps.
samsam23t 8
thats why u use 99% strength rubbing alcohol
RageWolf16 31
You bring two year olds into the bathroom with you
T1A2Z3 35
At 2 can't you put them in a play pen or something?