Today, I was on a first date with a girl at the movies. Trying to be polite, I held in a fart until an intense, loud action scene came on. As soon as I let go, the scene went silent and my fart was clearly heard to everyone in the movie theatre. My date went to the bathroom. She didn't come back. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was out on my first date in months. My stomach didn’t feel quite right after dinner, but I tried to ignore it. During the movie, it got so bad I decided to try to sneak a small fart for relief. As soon as I did, the theater fell dead silent. My fart practically echoed in the silence. FML
Today, I went to the movies on a date. My chair made a fart sound while I moved around a little, so my date thought I'd let one rip. He then let out a really horrendously smelling one to make me feel less embarrassed, giving me a reassuring look. FML
Today, I went on a first date to the movies. During the flick, I choked on a piece of popcorn. I took a gulp of soda and that got stuck as well. I finally got my breath back and let out the loudest burp I ever have. He looked at me and said, "Does this mean I can fart now?" FML
Today, while walking down the aisle of a movie theatre, I passed gas so loudly that the audience missed the climax of the film laughing at me. FML
Today, while on a date, I desperately let out a stealth fart in my date's car. I didn't have the nerve to own up to it, even as he started panicking and thinking the smell was coming from his engine. FML
Today, the waiter farted while I was on a date. My date thought it was me. FML
Today, I was on a first date when my lactose intolerance decided to make an appearance. My date thought I was just “getting comfy” when I kept shifting in my seat. Nope, I was trying not to fart. FML
Today, I went out to a restaurant with a girl I have been dating. The only conversation was about how proud she was of her fart during work earlier, and how she managed to clear out a section of the office. FML
Today, I went to see a movie with the girl I've liked for months. After the commercials, she told me she had to go to the ladies room. She never came back. FML
Today, at the movies on a date, I drank all my soda and waited too long. I couldn't take it anymore and quickly got up, knocking my date's popcorn on the floor, and ran to the bathroom. I didn’t make it and went home in shame. It’s better he thinks I stood him up. FML
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Top comments
kika_fml 0
Lol, why didnt you just go to the bathroom?
ZeShadow 0
You dropped DA BOMB on her
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Comments (165)
jules96_fml 0
haha wow awkward much??
rainbowflower 0
lol that sucks... but you should've used her excuse first
jewbies 0
question is what the **** did you eat?
Vehicle 1
I'm sorry she never came back, But if it was really bad you should have politely told her you needed to use the restroom, then came back and nothing would have happened.
MukyDaCookie 0
AHAHAHAHAHAHAH that gave me a really good laugh Im not going to wail on you for not thinking of going to the bathroom, I didn't think of that while I was reading it and probably wouldn't have in the theatre. I feel sorry for you man, that's really terrible but on the bright side, it could have been worse. you could have run into a hateful ex who would bring up your penile dysfunction
mikemanray 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA dude, that is totally worth it. Sure that one date and maybe a relationship is ruined, but this story will last forever. And unless she was super-hot I think the story is better.
bassfromhell 0
dude i totally know hoe you feel. holding in farts can be tough, but you must clench your butt cheeks when you feel the fart is about to come out, and it will eventually subside. Ive had to deal with this on numerous occasions so i see myself as a sort of farting afficionado
mikemanray 0
http://www.fortunatoprocopio.com/snlmagicmouth.html
twokewl4ya0pt2 0
i would have never come back either.
BamxBitch 0
I'm with #2.