Today, I was on a first date when my lactose intolerance decided to make an appearance. My date thought I was just “getting comfy” when I kept shifting in my seat. Nope, I was trying not to fart. FML
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Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was out on my first date in months. My stomach didn’t feel quite right after dinner, but I tried to ignore it. During the movie, it got so bad I decided to try to sneak a small fart for relief. As soon as I did, the theater fell dead silent. My fart practically echoed in the silence. FML
Today, the waiter farted while I was on a date. My date thought it was me. FML
Today, I went to the movies on a date. My chair made a fart sound while I moved around a little, so my date thought I'd let one rip. He then let out a really horrendously smelling one to make me feel less embarrassed, giving me a reassuring look. FML
Today, I was on a first date with a girl at the movies. Trying to be polite, I held in a fart until an intense, loud action scene came on. As soon as I let go, the scene went silent and my fart was clearly heard to everyone in the movie theatre. My date went to the bathroom. She didn't come back. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. He took me to a restaurant where I was allergic to practically everything on the menu. I sneezed five or six times within the first 15 minutes and spent the rest of the lunch awkwardly trying to explain I wasn't allergic to him, just the food and spices floating around us. FML
Today, I went on a first date to the movies. During the flick, I choked on a piece of popcorn. I took a gulp of soda and that got stuck as well. I finally got my breath back and let out the loudest burp I ever have. He looked at me and said, "Does this mean I can fart now?" FML
Today, while on a date, I desperately let out a stealth fart in my date's car. I didn't have the nerve to own up to it, even as he started panicking and thinking the smell was coming from his engine. FML
Today, I went on a date for the first time in months. Over dessert, my date told a joke, and I tittered vigorously, causing me to choke and throw up all over him. FML
Today, while at a restaurant, my date shat himself. He spent the entire meal pretending nothing had happened. FML
Today, I went on a date, and everything was going fine - until the ride home. On the way, I starting having progressively bad stomach pains. Once she left the car, I passed the worst gas that I had ever encountered. As I began to leave, she knocked on the window. She forgot her purse in the car. FML
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Top comments
Yudith 28
That's why you should treat the day before a first date just like the Queen of England's food brigade; no food that can upset your stomach, no food that can make you fart, and no food that can disturb your make-up such as watermelon slices. However, if your date ordered a spaghetti bolognese and sneaked parmigiano into your plate, he deserves the gas attack.
Wadlaen 24
Hope you had a successful date, but at first this FML looked a bit worse than it was when I read 'My date thought I was getting comfy when I kept ******** in my seat'. But if you end up going on several dates, you should let her know about your lactose intolerance.
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Comments (2)
Yudith 28
That's why you should treat the day before a first date just like the Queen of England's food brigade; no food that can upset your stomach, no food that can make you fart, and no food that can disturb your make-up such as watermelon slices. However, if your date ordered a spaghetti bolognese and sneaked parmigiano into your plate, he deserves the gas attack.
Wadlaen 24
Hope you had a successful date, but at first this FML looked a bit worse than it was when I read 'My date thought I was getting comfy when I kept ******** in my seat'. But if you end up going on several dates, you should let her know about your lactose intolerance.