Today, it was raining downtown. I saw an elderly woman crossing the street so I lended her my umbrella and helped her across. When we got to the other side, she said, "Thank you Toby," and then refused to give back "her" umbrella to me, loudly enough for a nearby cop to hear. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, getting off a bus, it was pouring rain so I got my umbrella out. A man elbowed me in the gut and grabbed it. When I told my mom about it she said, "That's New York, get over it." FML
Today, I helped a "blind" man across the street. He kindly said thank you and patted me on the back. Then, I went into a store and realized my wallet was missing. FML
Today, I helped a lady carry her grocery bags to her car. She was so grateful that she offered me a tip. I refused, but she insisted. When I finally took it, I looked at the bill to see she'd given me $1. I smiled and said thank you, but she looked at me like I’d just robbed her. FML
Today, I was at the mall, when I saw an elderly lady drop her groceries, so I rushed over to help her pick them up. She took one look at me, called me a "Liberal bastard," and shouted for me to get away from her before she called the cops. FML
Today, I saw an elderly woman in need of help of crossing a street. I helped her across. On the way she just about fell and held onto me to keep from hitting the ground. After she left on her bus I reached for my wallet. It was gone. I had just been robbed by a 70 year old. FML
Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went over and helped her up. Instead of thanking me, she called me a pervert and slapped me around with her cane. FML
Today, feeling magnanimous, I decided to help a frail-looking old lady across a busy street. She managed to "accidentally" hit me in the balls with her cane no fewer than three times before we reached the other side. FML
Today, I was hurrying for the bus home from work. It was raining and I had my umbrella up. As I hurried by two women, I felt my umbrella hit one of them on the head. I turned to apologise and saw her standing with her hands on her newly bald head. My umbrella had lifted her wig off her head. FML
Today, at work, an elderly lady came up to the cash register with a flyer in her hand, and asked if we had a certain item. I told her we did not have any left, and we would be getting more next week and if she wanted, I could give her a rain check. She hit me in the face with her purse. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, when a little old lady bumped into me and fell over. I helped her up and she thanked me for being "such a nice young man". It was only an hour later as I was in line at the store that I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet. FML
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Top comments
QTp13 10
I know exactly how you feel. I had a really expensive Louis Vuitton handbag, and an old lady just randomly went to the on-duty police officer, and told him that 'I was the one who had taken her bag a few days ago'. When I showed my ID, and all the things that was in it (that were mine) he still didn't believe me. Sucks for you man. FYL indeed =(
rambles 0
what a ******!
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Comments (84)
Batman4890 0
wait a min! what kinda of MAN carries an umbrella?
skyeyez9 25
should have tripped her when nobody was looking.
xenomorph 0
People don't do this . . . perhaps she's so old that she couldn't remember you offering her your umbrella. It is unfortunate, but it happens.
tdizzles 0
ha ha you got swindled by gramma.
KuroKona 0
Beat the crap out of her, claiming that she mugged you for said umbrella in the previous alleyway.
Mr_Whitley 0
that goes back to the whole senile thing. No cop is gonna believe a full grown man thats saying he got mugged by an old lady, unless she was like hiding a mac10 under her shawl you coulda just punched her in the throat and watch her slowly die.
Leetswaglordmaybe2 9
that's what you get 4 hellping old gannyes
axnpaxn 0
lol, #2, that's what I was going to say. looks like you need a new umbrella. DON'T GIVE IT TO ANY OLD LADIES.
LemonStarship 5
Gotta love the elderly
FerrariCake 2
Don't help people with dementia. They'll never remember.