Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on for the first time. Just as I was about to climax, I spotted my greatest fear, a big wasp, only a few inches away from me. I shuddered and made a very unmanly orgasm wail. She now refuses to have sex because she says I "turned her off forever". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She went to the bathroom momentarily, only to be greeted by a 'huge' spider, which disappeared under a cabinet. Due to her chronic arachnophobia, this instantly turned her off and caused her paranoia all night. I essentially got cock-blocked by a spider. FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend is afraid of female orgasms. Right as I was about to climax, he panicked, pulled out, and ran into the bathroom. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML
Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML
Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML
Today, I learned that my girlfriend is terrified of me seeing her sex faces, so she violently squished my face between her boobs during sex. I then had a severe asthma attack because I couldn't breathe properly. FML
Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML
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Top comments
afdude87 6
sounds like she's immature. probably shouldn't be bangin that kinda drama anyway.
Emmy_The_Great 2
I bet the wasp was evilly laughing in the next room.
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Comments (152)
texaslonghorn 0
she's gotta get back on and try again... it's not like she really fell off the horse this time
agSWAAAAG 0
Nahh a horse is too many...I was thinking along of the lines of a chihuahua
texaslonghorn 0
ya little wiener dog.. or just little wiener.
NYC_Yoshi 3
I ******* hate bees and wasps! You should have aimed your climax at it. Or swat it with your dick.
IceeCreamm 7
Good game bro
mfjkr 10
blue screen....reboot man REBOOT!
kisalycorsis34 0
Now I don't have a penis, so correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't it hurt to use your penis as a flyswatter? I'm assuming that the wasp would get angry and sting you. Ya know, on your PENIS.
crymore007 11
so you used to have a penis?
JumbledGirl 2
in response to two above me, I don't have one either. it would be like getting punched in the boob with a javelin. with a needle ontop. so yes, it would hurt like a HOB KNOCKER!!!!
byrdie1006 2
not if you hit it from behind ;)
ilovepoppa 0
Sorry but, lol(:
smellymellyy 7
i laughed mu ass off at this fml xD
feralphoenix 4
my*
afdude87 6
sounds like she's immature. probably shouldn't be bangin that kinda drama anyway.
gogowin12 0
Yeah, I agree it is just an excuse. She is just a whiney Bitch.
Olovio 5
Then make a creepy overaly-manly deep voices groan and see which one she likes better.
SteelCladAngel 0
he should innovate gorilla ****** sounds or pig noises! haha
staychill 16
yea it will even it out
xXMudkipNoobXx 7
i bet whoever read that comment tried to make that sound
Emmy_The_Great 2
I bet the wasp was evilly laughing in the next room.
Accept 11
'unmanly ****** wail' Sounds Hawt O:
penelopecruise 2
judging by your picture, you will be pregnant in 4 months. max.
klutzyduck1 24
Ha ha ha, that really made me laugh, thanks.
CrazyGirl445 4
7-I was thinking the same thing
SnailJamsss 6
hahaha!!
smellymellyy 7
he screamed like a little girl, it may be just me, but i would have burst out laughing. poor lad, the embarassment :')
bigboobies44 0
hey we should text eachother
ChiddyBANGr 13
Tell that woman that you just saved her from her untimely demise, and that she owes you a nice, mid-morning banging :)
luvppl 6
think about the wasp!!! it must be emotionally scarred forever!!! lol
stevendsi 0
wasps have feelings too you know
iltoudemone 0
coulda at least said it was a hive of them instead of just one....
ViciousFoxes 0
Not many relationships last after one party refuses to ever bang the other one again. What's up with all the crazy girlfriend fmls lately?
imcutefml 0
hot gf = crazy or bitchy step mom usually.....