Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I'm constipated AND having diarrhea at the same time. It feels like I'm going to explode. FML
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
Today, I finally got over having constipation for two days straight. It came in the form of a normal-sized, rock-hard turd that made me scream "Ow!" when it came out. FML
Today, after finishing a bottle and a half of pure cranberry juice to flush my bladder for a possible infection, I've been spewing liquid shits all day, my asshole burns, and it hurts to sit. FML
Today, it's been a week that I've had bad constipation. Overeating on my 16th birthday last week got me sick; since then I've pooped only once, and it took a hard push to go it out. Today I had my second poop. Good news: I did go. Bad: it happened on the bus home from school. My pals actually cheered when I finished straining. FML
Today, I have a bad case of diarrhea. The worst part isn’t even sharting in bed while sleeping naked. It’s the severe asshole pain from having to wipe my ass twenty times in twelve hours. FML
Today, I've realized that I have two modes: Constipated, or ultra explosive diarrhea. FML
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
Today, thinking he was being so hilarious, my friend slipped me enough laxatives to make a horse shit its intestines out. I haven't been able to move from the toilet for over an hour. FML
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Top comments
Weezay 5
Lmfao!
Vulpes21 6
Did you finish before posting this. Or are you like a war correspondent on the front lines?
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Comments (315)
biggestfan23 11
Goddamn that's a lot of poop. I'll pray for your bowels
jostel 0
Funny how you said you'd pray for her- but you just said god damn.... This world is ******.
wlddog 14
It takes a truly good Christian to pray for someone else's bowels. Hope it was not a laying of hands type of prayer.
Knuckleheads 0
this one made me laugh
CobraKitNu 7
Lube.
msjoyfull84 0
Shit happens
lylotrezor 20
17: and happens, and happens.
mandadarling 10
FML for reading this :(
KVKdragon 26
Agreed :(
finished 10
On the bright side you'll probably lose A LOT of weight :)...
MsMeiriona 2
How much fecal matter do you think this person had backed up?
SammyS2012 21
Well your weight fluctuates everyday about 1-2 pounds because of feces in your body. A week's worth is bound to be a lot of weight :) that's what I'm thinking at least; I don't know if it's true
DjeePee 25
Well, better out than in.
Llamacod 11
I find its always better to go in then out then in then out then in then ou... Wait what were we talking about again?
AllyBrianne 10
This made me laugh so hard im crying
KaR1sma 6
Sounds pretty crappy..
anniekins 6
Well at least you know the bread works. Sorry OP :(
toenibbler 14
It would seem as though you are having a shit day.