Today, after taking my girlfriend on a date, she invited me back to her place for "hot coffee and dessert." Excitedly, I said yes. When we got there, we actually had coffee and dessert. When I told her this wasn't what I'd had in mind, she kicked me out for being a pervert. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I went on a date with a girl my friend set me up with. I thought we got along great, until after dessert, when I asked if she'd be interested in doing this again. She just said, "Nahhh" then got up and casually left, stiffing me on the bill. FML
Today, I asked my crush out for coffee but she wanted to go shopping. When she pulled me into the dressing room for my opinion on a bikini, I told her this was too fast for a first date. She looked at me in absolute horror. She thought I was gay, as in a harmless gay friend she could take shopping. FML
Today, I was on a date with a girl I've had feelings for since I was 14 (I'm 22). I took her out to dinner, then to a movie that we both liked and had a few drinks afterwards. I thought it was going really well until I was driving her home and she asked to be dropped off at her boyfriend's house. FML
Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML
Today, I went on a date. I took her out to an expensive steak house. When she was done eating, she got up, said she was married, and told me she only accepted the date because I'd be paying for it. FML
Today, I invited my girlfriend to go eat out, hoping to put her in a really romantic mood. She decided to tell her friend, who then invited herself and another couple along. I ended up being made fifth wheel, and had to sit alone at an adjacent table. FML
Today, I went on a coffee date with a new girl. It was over less than a minute in, when I ordered a black coffee. She lectured me about how I "obviously" have a "seriously fragile ego." I just like black coffee. FML
Today, I met and asked a cute girl out on a date. We decided to meet at a fancy restaurant downtown. When I got there I saw her sitting with what turned out to be her parents. They made a huge scene, calling me a pedophile and a low-life. Apparently, the girl was 16 years-old. I'm 25. FML
Today, I went on a coffee date. It turned out to be a mistake - not because he was bad, but because I forgot how much coffee upsets my stomach. Yup, it makes me need to poop, and I did. In my jeans. As he drove me home. Not quite the "run" of fun we’d planned. FML
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Top comments
ydi_ruuc 0
you expect to much...
irishfever 0
Just because you took her on a date you automatically get sex?
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Comments (242)
firecopy 6
you deserve it for playing the patched game.
alexandraa_fml 0
Well, my mind may be in the gutter but I would have assumed some underlying meaning behind it too. A lot of women are wishywashy and hard to read,. plus 'hot coffee and dessert'? Sick.
Stiffilz 0
u r a pervert and an asshat. girls r good for something other than pleasuring you u selfish ****. don't b in a relationship
chuck86 0
you're a douche and totally deserved it. next time she asks you to come over for coffee and dessert, actually have the coffee and dessert and then try cuddling her or something.
corme_fml 0
Bingo.
mtc4ever 0
maybe if you waited a little after the coffee and dessert ....
giankigreco 0
girls are slampigs stfu ***** poor guy tired of jerking it. and isn't a perv cause has a gf. probably immature and very self consious
johnny_doe 0
If you're going to make suggestive comments to somebody whom you're not sure will be receptive, you have to always have an innocuous, smooth save at the ready. For example: You: [with a mischievous expression] You know, when you said "dessert", this isn't what I had in mind. Her: [offended] Really? And what *did* you have in mind? You: [pause a second, then deadpan] Cheesecake.
Sheslikeheroin 0
It ain't GTA. Hot coffee doesn't mean sex
corme_fml 0
The reason it's called the 'hot coffee scene' is BECAUSE hot coffee means sex.
giankigreco 0
Johnny ur a virgin .be simple to get laid see u have back up plans haha and theories u don't know shit.
johnny_doe 0
It was a joke. Troll harder.
giankigreco 0
owned him epicly