Today, after taking my girlfriend on a date, she invited me back to her place for "hot coffee and dessert." Excitedly, I said yes. When we got there, we actually had coffee and dessert. When I told her this wasn't what I'd had in mind, she kicked me out for being a pervert. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I went on a date with a girl my friend set me up with. I thought we got along great, until after dessert, when I asked if she'd be interested in doing this again. She just said, "Nahhh" then got up and casually left, stiffing me on the bill. FML
Today, I asked my crush out for coffee but she wanted to go shopping. When she pulled me into the dressing room for my opinion on a bikini, I told her this was too fast for a first date. She looked at me in absolute horror. She thought I was gay, as in a harmless gay friend she could take shopping. FML
Today, I was on a date with a girl I've had feelings for since I was 14 (I'm 22). I took her out to dinner, then to a movie that we both liked and had a few drinks afterwards. I thought it was going really well until I was driving her home and she asked to be dropped off at her boyfriend's house. FML
Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML
Today, I went on a date. I took her out to an expensive steak house. When she was done eating, she got up, said she was married, and told me she only accepted the date because I'd be paying for it. FML
Today, I invited my girlfriend to go eat out, hoping to put her in a really romantic mood. She decided to tell her friend, who then invited herself and another couple along. I ended up being made fifth wheel, and had to sit alone at an adjacent table. FML
Today, I went on a coffee date with a new girl. It was over less than a minute in, when I ordered a black coffee. She lectured me about how I "obviously" have a "seriously fragile ego." I just like black coffee. FML
Today, I met and asked a cute girl out on a date. We decided to meet at a fancy restaurant downtown. When I got there I saw her sitting with what turned out to be her parents. They made a huge scene, calling me a pedophile and a low-life. Apparently, the girl was 16 years-old. I'm 25. FML
Today, I went on a coffee date. It turned out to be a mistake - not because he was bad, but because I forgot how much coffee upsets my stomach. Yup, it makes me need to poop, and I did. In my jeans. As he drove me home. Not quite the "run" of fun we’d planned. FML
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Top comments
ydi_ruuc 0
you expect to much...
irishfever 0
Just because you took her on a date you automatically get sex?
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Comments (242)
helka_fml 0
it isn't your fault you're male, but, at the same time, learn some self control!
Kitchendancer 0
Once you start dating girls over 22yrs old, late night coffee and dessert usually means there's a chance for sex (or if it's pretty early on in the relationship, at least making out or some other kind of physical contact). But should never be considered a guarantee. For all you men who think women are giving such confusing signals - unless she's already making out with you on the stairs, you will not be getting sex immediately once through the door. Enjoy the coffee and dessert!
laneykinsx 0
ydi.
cybercrash 2
Today, after taking my girlfriend on a date, she invited me back to her place for "hot coffee and dessert". Being hungry, I said yes. When we got there, we actually had sex. When I told her this wasn't what I'd had in mind, she kicked me out for being a fat-ass. FML
brianjman14 23
snickerdoodles shut up with ur retarded posts, ur just jealous no one will say yes to u when u offer to come over for coffee she's not gonna say "wanna stay over and have sex?" someone has to make a move first, op, fyl u were really unluc
hedgerow 0
is she trying to be funny?! or is she just naive and ignorant. hot coffee is universal code for hot sex. and dessert? giggity.
kassyleao 0
YDI yu perv...... mayb she just wantd 2 have a romantic time. u dik
Arsenic_Cupcake 0
Really now? How silly of you to automatically assume that she wanted sex. For real, this is completely your fault. It's not good to spontaneously jump to conclusions and then mention your disappointment to your partner because they didn't fulfill your fantasy... =/ Silly boy...
topherweaver 0
haha slap her
da94 1
ouch. don't expect to much