Today, I reminded my husband that I was on my period, so he wouldn't try to fool around with me. A few hours later, his goldfish-like memory kicked in and he stuck his hand down my pants while we were going to bed. I was wearing a maxi pad. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, and like every month, my husband goes through the wastebasket and checks my used pads for proof that I’m not lying about being on my period to get out of sex, all because once, I didn’t feel like having sex and said I was on my period, even though I wasn’t. He found out I lied because he saw my clean pad. FML
Today, I apparently had diarrhea in my sleep. I had to get up and sneak to the bathroom so as to not wake my husband. When he asked about the stain, I panicked and told him I started my period. FML
Today, my boyfriend drove me home. I mentioned how I had recently started my period and he freaked out, saying I would "leak" through my tampon onto his seat. He made me sit on towels all the way home. FML
Today, I'm on my period and super bloated. My husband laid down next to me and said, "Hey pretty lady, wanna have a good time? Let me stick my pin in and let some of that air out", then made a deflating noise with a hand movement. FML
Today, my boyfriend caught me in a lie about being on my period. He memorized my menstrual cycle, but still forgot that today is my birthday. FML
Today, I went home with a guy I met at the bar. I warned him that I was on my period, but he said it was fine. Not only was the sex awful, I woke up to find that he'd smeared period blood on my face in the dark. FML
Today, I'm on the last few days of my period. After nothing came out the whole day, a dollop of blood suddenly poured out, somehow managed to entirely circumvent the giant pad I was wearing, and went straight into my underwear, pants, and the chair I was sitting on. FML
Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I took a nap, fully clothed. I woke up to him panicking. He'd had a wet dream and was scared that his sperm somehow swam through several layers of clothing and got me pregnant. FML
Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML
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Top comments
happle 21
That's pretty nasty, but it seems like he would have learned his lesson.
Misshhh 23
Looks like he was caught.. Red handed... YEEEAAAAA xD
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Comments (187)
kandysnow 18
More like F his life.
abc_123_321 6
this is actually ******* hilarious
Kara_araK 24
I live in South Africa so I'm not aware of the 'norm' in USA but I have read soooo many posts, on FML & FB etc about grown women wearing maxi pads. I just have one question. ... Why? They are so terrible, I couldn't wait till I was old enough to use tampons (I started when I was 11 so my mom made we wait till I was 13 to use tampons). Please will you explain why it seems that wearing maxi pads in USA instead of tampons is the norm? In SA it's the opposite
examin 4
goldfish have memory for 3 month- 1 year