Today, I reminded my husband that I was on my period, so he wouldn't try to fool around with me. A few hours later, his goldfish-like memory kicked in and he stuck his hand down my pants while we were going to bed. I was wearing a maxi pad. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, and like every month, my husband goes through the wastebasket and checks my used pads for proof that I’m not lying about being on my period to get out of sex, all because once, I didn’t feel like having sex and said I was on my period, even though I wasn’t. He found out I lied because he saw my clean pad. FML
Today, I apparently had diarrhea in my sleep. I had to get up and sneak to the bathroom so as to not wake my husband. When he asked about the stain, I panicked and told him I started my period. FML
Today, my boyfriend drove me home. I mentioned how I had recently started my period and he freaked out, saying I would "leak" through my tampon onto his seat. He made me sit on towels all the way home. FML
Today, I'm on my period and super bloated. My husband laid down next to me and said, "Hey pretty lady, wanna have a good time? Let me stick my pin in and let some of that air out", then made a deflating noise with a hand movement. FML
Today, my boyfriend caught me in a lie about being on my period. He memorized my menstrual cycle, but still forgot that today is my birthday. FML
Today, I went home with a guy I met at the bar. I warned him that I was on my period, but he said it was fine. Not only was the sex awful, I woke up to find that he'd smeared period blood on my face in the dark. FML
Today, I'm on the last few days of my period. After nothing came out the whole day, a dollop of blood suddenly poured out, somehow managed to entirely circumvent the giant pad I was wearing, and went straight into my underwear, pants, and the chair I was sitting on. FML
Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I took a nap, fully clothed. I woke up to him panicking. He'd had a wet dream and was scared that his sperm somehow swam through several layers of clothing and got me pregnant. FML
Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML
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Top comments
happle 21
That's pretty nasty, but it seems like he would have learned his lesson.
Misshhh 23
Looks like he was caught.. Red handed... YEEEAAAAA xD
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Comments (187)
langoustine_fml 10
BFD.
Deadmike 7
is your mouth bleeding too? no? then use it.. it's like an amusement park, when one ride breaks down you don't need to close the entire park..
KnownAsCAJ 11
It doesnt say she thought she couldnt have sex because of it, so its still possible MAYBE she just didnt want to during that time. >.>
Redneckcrazyyy 6
Hahahaha!
allplayedout 20
Having sex on your period isn't necessarily an issue in and of itself, but if your husband's way of initiating it is to "stick his hand down your pants when you're going to bed" then yeah I hope he learned his lesson when he hit the wet sponge on that one.
djPanda 8
What an insensitive prick
rinoa_fml 10
Oh no, he got menstrual fluid on his hand. How terrible. (I don't see how this is any big deal, unless you don't have running water).
stretchedthin 20
HAHAHAHAHA he so deserved that
BabyrooKid 11
FML? More like FHL -- his.
riddenhopes 13
I hope I'm not too late for this one.... "Doesn't matter; had sex!"
rlTlk 13
no they didnt :p
Orhugs 11
HE deserved it .