Today, I have to take medicine that gives me painful, violent farts. Tomorrow, I have to either get fired or go work in an office that's dead silent. How silent? Last week I heard my coworker drop a paperclip, three desks away. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had some painful gas at work, so I tried to silently ease it out. It was silent all right; silent, and so deadly that someone exclaimed, "What the fuck?!" My coworkers traced it back to me. Now they're all pointing their mini desk fans in my direction to make a point. FML
Today, I was working at my desk and wearing my new noise cancelling headphones. I couldn’t hear anyone around me, so I let out a nice long fart. Every desk behind me was occupied and the fart was not silent. FML
Today, a co-worker has the office next to mine. The walls are not soundproofed. I can hear him farting loudly throughout the day. He spread a rumor around the office that he can hear me farting all day. Another coworker told me and gave me advice on foods not to eat, that gave people bad gas. FML
Today, at work my boss called me into his office because he had received multiple complaints from coworkers about a prank sound machine I have been using to make inappropriate fart sounds at my desk. I wish it was a fart machine; I have a condition. FML
Today, I woke up with bowel problems which have been causing me to violently pass wind every couple of minutes. I have to spend the next two hours sitting an exam in dead silence. FML
Today, I was alone at the office. Having held it in all day, I let out the longest, worst-smelling fart of my life. The owner of the company, investigating the odd noise, opened my office door. When the stench hit him, he walked backwards all the way to his office, staring at me, in silence. FML
Today, I'm sharing a hotel room with co-workers on a business trip. The walls are paper-thin, you could hear a pin drop, and I'm trying to make my explosive diarrhea as close to silent as possible. FML
Today, I was going over some paperwork with my back to my office door. As I turn around, my boss enters and says my name loudly. I was startled so bad that I jumped, yelped, and a high-pitched fart snuck out. Everyone in the office now gives prior notice before dropping by the "fart guy's" office. FML
Today, I was nervously observing a delicate medical procedure while training at my new job. I tried to stifle a sneeze and instead (as you can probably guess) ripped the biggest, most cartoonishly loud fart of my life. My ass sounded like a tuba and I was asked to leave the room. FML
Today, at work, I had to use the bathroom to urinate. It's basically in an open plan office, so everyone can hear absolutely everything. After successfully and discreetly doing my business, I noticed a bit of dirt on the wall. I gave it a rub with my thumb on the smooth tile. It sounded exactly like a loud fart. FML
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Top comments
YacL 15
Drop another paperclip to mask the sound?
DrewsFML 8
Sit in your office chair in the aisle and let your gas propel you through the maze of cubicles. if you're going to get fired, you may as well do it in style.
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Comments (172)
tayza249 20
Well that sucks.
dolphincheddar 10
shove a silencer up there
tayza249 20
Could plug it up with something, maybe a cork..
cmfh88 0
This is worse than that time Peter tried covering up his farts with coughing...
flockz 20
or a *****. those always work great for me, but ive never had a farting problem...
dolphincheddar 10
beads are more fun flocks. you should try them sometime
santarosakid 5
you can try and hold it in just pray you don't sneeze lol
flockz 20
as long as they're frozen. my ass is like a roasting oven so i need something frozen or else it will melt in there. i can't shit for a week!
TheChampagneBoi 5
silent but deadly
seanders 10
I don't see a problem. It'd be fun!
aramross91 7
Logical
wintamint101 7
just take lots of bathroom breaks
flamegrilled123 3
Go to the toilet when u need to fart
swimchica22 0
Bring in a dog and blame it on the dog(: say you fed it bacon for breakfast
theunknowned 1
well that farts
dolphincheddar 10
borrow bubble boy's bubble and wear a gas mask?
wolflover44 5
That blows.
dolphincheddar 10
62, like you and your father every night?
CattyPurry 0
they're all going to be giving you heads in the office tomorrow.
thenewguy21 0
call in sick?
jayalexander 7
shove a watermelon up there! nothing, and I repeat nothing will get passed it.
trevishere 7
Beige in those car smelly things, like 6 of them in, ad hang them!
trevishere 7
*bring
JayBear14 11
Just remember to say safety :P
partyfool2011 4
123- not sure how but that comment made me lose The Game.
TookaWooka666 0
Try to spread your asshole and butt cheeks when you need to fart that way it just eases out and doesn't have to squeeze through the cheeks.
ahh_forever 0
Ooh, that stinks. Literally. FYL.
brad5150 4
fail
_Oblivion_ 12
ur fathers condom failed
ahh_forever 0
How is that a fail?
Glitterhinoceros 14
29-Your mothers abortion failed -,.,-
ed11 1
^ahahahahaha
mistfullkittie 3
This made me chuckle...
EvilPotato 15
29 Oblivions a great game can't wait till Skyrim.
YacL 15
Drop another paperclip to mask the sound?
A7X_LoVeee 10
20*
Maverick52 13
That's a shit load of paper clips
bengermin 5
Not joking, adult diapers will muffle the sound. Test it out if you don't believe me.
Yodaevil 4
just follow up with, damn gerbils!
getviolated 5
or or or or or this might be crazy but...buy a fan? wow that was almost too easy
footballur 0
*cough* *fart*
Ali_Br_fml 33
let's hope it doesn't make you blow chunks too... that would be a lot worse...
PopRocks14 0
Uh..eww..?
vikhelios 6
meh keep farting bro don't let the man keep you down
22cute 17
Hello, it's a woman :)
wordnerd42 0
According to the Bro code, chicks can be Bros too.
JadeOmega 23
you got that right bro
bobkim302 0
Ha ha! it could be worse.
BigMacBoi 3
How?
zaveeshaveesh3 7
Call in sick?
NickyK 25
Take a day off? :P
ArmedcrackerR6 8
Just don't shart lol
rhpsfan9 10
I sense your going to get a lot of dirty looks at work.
poy2x 0
wow r u psychic?