Today, I have to take medicine that gives me painful, violent farts. Tomorrow, I have to either get fired or go work in an office that's dead silent. How silent? Last week I heard my coworker drop a paperclip, three desks away. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had some painful gas at work, so I tried to silently ease it out. It was silent all right; silent, and so deadly that someone exclaimed, "What the fuck?!" My coworkers traced it back to me. Now they're all pointing their mini desk fans in my direction to make a point. FML
Today, I was working at my desk and wearing my new noise cancelling headphones. I couldn’t hear anyone around me, so I let out a nice long fart. Every desk behind me was occupied and the fart was not silent. FML
Today, a co-worker has the office next to mine. The walls are not soundproofed. I can hear him farting loudly throughout the day. He spread a rumor around the office that he can hear me farting all day. Another coworker told me and gave me advice on foods not to eat, that gave people bad gas. FML
Today, at work my boss called me into his office because he had received multiple complaints from coworkers about a prank sound machine I have been using to make inappropriate fart sounds at my desk. I wish it was a fart machine; I have a condition. FML
Today, I woke up with bowel problems which have been causing me to violently pass wind every couple of minutes. I have to spend the next two hours sitting an exam in dead silence. FML
Today, I was alone at the office. Having held it in all day, I let out the longest, worst-smelling fart of my life. The owner of the company, investigating the odd noise, opened my office door. When the stench hit him, he walked backwards all the way to his office, staring at me, in silence. FML
Today, I'm sharing a hotel room with co-workers on a business trip. The walls are paper-thin, you could hear a pin drop, and I'm trying to make my explosive diarrhea as close to silent as possible. FML
Today, I was going over some paperwork with my back to my office door. As I turn around, my boss enters and says my name loudly. I was startled so bad that I jumped, yelped, and a high-pitched fart snuck out. Everyone in the office now gives prior notice before dropping by the "fart guy's" office. FML
Today, I was nervously observing a delicate medical procedure while training at my new job. I tried to stifle a sneeze and instead (as you can probably guess) ripped the biggest, most cartoonishly loud fart of my life. My ass sounded like a tuba and I was asked to leave the room. FML
Today, at work, I had to use the bathroom to urinate. It's basically in an open plan office, so everyone can hear absolutely everything. After successfully and discreetly doing my business, I noticed a bit of dirt on the wall. I gave it a rub with my thumb on the smooth tile. It sounded exactly like a loud fart. FML
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Top comments
YacL 15
Drop another paperclip to mask the sound?
DrewsFML 8
Sit in your office chair in the aisle and let your gas propel you through the maze of cubicles. if you're going to get fired, you may as well do it in style.
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Comments (172)
wilito92 0
i would get a pillow... been there done that... the pillow kinda absorbs the bad smell too :P
greenbox 0
perhaps take a sick day? since you are sick...
xoxo_Becky_xoxo 0
Well...depending on what the medicine's for t you
xoxo_Becky_xoxo 0
Well...depending on what the medicine's for couldn't you just take it when you get home?
inthemillions 0
Why would you have to get fired? Why don't you just call in sick?
Flutist 3
Maybe because they used all their sick days on trivial things.
UnicornHunter 12
Agreed.
nentenkupo 19
Or maybe they used all their sick days on actually being sick?
sexypimpdaddy 0
I don't think farts are supposed to be painful... :D
emmalovesbieber 0
haha 26 and 27! anyway... that sucks sorry OP
krish7 0
Cough when ever you have to fart lol
howslife123 0
or open and close the desk drawers really loudly
Fudgeblocks 2
Or be like Peter Griffin and just talk some random stuff when you fart.
JennWoo 0
Can you take a few Beano pills? They're meant to de-gas you when eating beans, broccoli, etc. but maybe they can de-gas you from meds? They'll work or they won't but they won't cause harm, I expect. Good luck, and I hope you don't end up being called "thunder tush" at work.
Euphoriah 0
Do your paper work in the bathroom.
BADDiam 4
just let it all out..it will make you feel better