Today, I have to take medicine that gives me painful, violent farts. Tomorrow, I have to either get fired or go work in an office that's dead silent. How silent? Last week I heard my coworker drop a paperclip, three desks away. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had some painful gas at work, so I tried to silently ease it out. It was silent all right; silent, and so deadly that someone exclaimed, "What the fuck?!" My coworkers traced it back to me. Now they're all pointing their mini desk fans in my direction to make a point. FML
Today, I was working at my desk and wearing my new noise cancelling headphones. I couldn’t hear anyone around me, so I let out a nice long fart. Every desk behind me was occupied and the fart was not silent. FML
Today, a co-worker has the office next to mine. The walls are not soundproofed. I can hear him farting loudly throughout the day. He spread a rumor around the office that he can hear me farting all day. Another coworker told me and gave me advice on foods not to eat, that gave people bad gas. FML
Today, at work my boss called me into his office because he had received multiple complaints from coworkers about a prank sound machine I have been using to make inappropriate fart sounds at my desk. I wish it was a fart machine; I have a condition. FML
Today, I woke up with bowel problems which have been causing me to violently pass wind every couple of minutes. I have to spend the next two hours sitting an exam in dead silence. FML
Today, I was alone at the office. Having held it in all day, I let out the longest, worst-smelling fart of my life. The owner of the company, investigating the odd noise, opened my office door. When the stench hit him, he walked backwards all the way to his office, staring at me, in silence. FML
Today, I'm sharing a hotel room with co-workers on a business trip. The walls are paper-thin, you could hear a pin drop, and I'm trying to make my explosive diarrhea as close to silent as possible. FML
Today, I was going over some paperwork with my back to my office door. As I turn around, my boss enters and says my name loudly. I was startled so bad that I jumped, yelped, and a high-pitched fart snuck out. Everyone in the office now gives prior notice before dropping by the "fart guy's" office. FML
Today, I was nervously observing a delicate medical procedure while training at my new job. I tried to stifle a sneeze and instead (as you can probably guess) ripped the biggest, most cartoonishly loud fart of my life. My ass sounded like a tuba and I was asked to leave the room. FML
Today, at work, I had to use the bathroom to urinate. It's basically in an open plan office, so everyone can hear absolutely everything. After successfully and discreetly doing my business, I noticed a bit of dirt on the wall. I gave it a rub with my thumb on the smooth tile. It sounded exactly like a loud fart. FML
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Top comments
YacL 15
Drop another paperclip to mask the sound?
DrewsFML 8
Sit in your office chair in the aisle and let your gas propel you through the maze of cubicles. if you're going to get fired, you may as well do it in style.
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Comments (172)
DrewsFML 8
Sit in your office chair in the aisle and let your gas propel you through the maze of cubicles. if you're going to get fired, you may as well do it in style.
zaveeshaveesh3 7
Hahahah great idea! And good point
clockburrito 6
He's only getting fired if he doesn't show up to work, not for farting.
clockburrito 6
He's only getting fired if he doesn't show up to work, not for farting.
akayc32 0
OP is a she
howslife123 0
that's a great mental picture .. thanks for the image
mistfullkittie 3
I can so imagine that!! lmfao!!
GL1TCH3D 0
I don't see how the manager could fire you at that point xD
bellakaykid 6
Better pair your new medicine with some Beano.
SilentTreatment 7
That's why you give them the Silent Treatment!! >:)
sovetskiy 8
So go to the bathroom every time you have to fart?
Shadow4i5 3
Rly? cuz that is realistic. Thats a sensible idea if u were being sarcastic
Jake_the_Giraffe 7
"Sydney this is the 12th time in the oast hour that you've gone to the bathroom," "I drink a lot of water..." That wouldnt work so well.
Swishmantastic87 0
Let them rip bro, better out then in.
YoLauryn 0
Just play "Friday" by Rebecca Black full blast. Then their ears will all be broken and bleeding and then they won't hear your farts(:
hellogoodbye1996 6
Secretly you like the song and want her to blast it so you can hear it.
AnagenisisZagus 13
Why would she not like it? That is the music of the century, bro. Those lyrics, they change your life. They are so powerful, so deep. I am sorry, I was intoxicated just a bit ago, what the hell was I saying?
imadinosaursolik 3
hahahahahahaha love itt.
howslife123 0
Friday is kind of catchy if you don't watch the video..
TaylorTotsYumm 10
73, or listen to the song.
howslife123 0
it's catchy when other people sing it I swear
Ali_Br_fml 33
OMG!!! I just went on YouTube and typed that title in thinking, "It can't be that bad..." it was worse!!! Is that a prank song??? That can't be for real... Well, I couldn't listen to the complete song, but from what I heard... It makes me wanna rip my ears off... So yes op, that would totally distract people from the stench of your flatulence.
CoconutSoup 5
That song is SO stupid.
zom_fml 10
That's certainly one way to break an awkward silence.
geekpowerwtf 0
Go to the toilett and work?
Carlie_McCartney 1
You can't call in sick? Call in dead.
Daederoth 10
Painful and violent farts? Really? Reeeally?