Today, after six long, hard years of involuntary celibacy, I was finally about to get laid. Except it was just a dream, and in it my mom stormed in just as things got heated, called me a useless cunt, and told me to go do my chores. I guess my brain forgot I moved out years ago. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
Today, after more than a year of being single, I finally had sex. Unfortunately, it was only in a dream, and after we finished, he told me that I'm terrible in bed. Even my dream-lover is a dick. FML
Today, I had a dream that my mom hugged me and told me she loved me. I woke up to her banging on my door, barging into my room, inspecting it, and then telling me to “just fucking kill yourself, because you're genuinely a bad person” before slamming my door. My room was perfectly clean and tidy. FML
Today, I fell asleep at my boyfriend’s house and missed my curfew. It’s almost 4 a.m. Scrambling, I arrived home to find the locks changed. On the door knob was a note: “Go live with your boyfriend, you slut. See if he cooks and cleans up after you. I’ll help you move out your stuff in the morning. - Mom” FML
Today, my mom came in my bedroom without knocking, even though I'd told her to, and caught me masturbating. She stood there in awkward silence before saying, "…Dinner's ready at 6." and left. FML
Today, after nearly two months of no sex, I got cockblocked by an unexpected visit by my mother. FML
Today, I’m 20 and my mom is well aware I’m having sex. Nonetheless, this morning when my boyfriend was going down on me under the covers, she marched into my room without knocking, dumped a load of wet laundry on my sofa, and walked back out. FML
Today, my mom woke me up from a wet dream, because I was moaning too loudly. I'm a 32 year-old virgin. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we had sex. Just as it was getting good, my phone beeped. It was a text from my mom, saying, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell you're faking." FML
Today, I was pantsless, horny, and my vibrator died, so I put it on charge next to my bed. My mum then came in, crying hysterically about how she got fired. I was still naked. I felt so bad. FML
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Top comments
dudeman1212 22
Mom's a cockblock even in your dreams. Better stock up on Vaseline, I guess
TiiBags 15
Sometimes you don't even have your own brain on your side...
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Comments (52)
So_Uncool123 0
If you didn't think you were owed sex, you'd probably have more luck.
lalaney 14
Oh come on. That was unjustified. There is no misogyny here, he's no Isla Vista killer. Look, I'm a chick, but if I'm celibate for longer than 6 months, I start to lose it. I'm not owed sex, but it still sucks.
captainsmegma 12
You need ****** and ****** good.
captainsmegma 12
You need ****** and ****** good.
badgemaster 13
Sorry bruh.... Im sure ur a knock out... Chin up it will be alright
okay17 7
No offense OP, but it's not that hard to find someone and hookup with them. Even if you look bad, which we don't know if you are or not. But if you need, go online or use an app. You'd find someone who is willing to sleep with you, even if there is no emotional connection.
ipodtouchgirl 21
Don't worry I have dreams like that all the time.
wvcheesehead 13
You dream about op's mother?
BradTheBrony 19
Hehehehehe, long and hard...
lifesucksvitae 10
"Involuntary" celibacy doesn't exist; it's an oxymoron. Celibacy by definition is CHOOSING aka voluntarily not having sex. Why is it so hard just to say that you "haven't had sex" for the last six years? Saying that you're "involuntarily" celibate makes it sound like you're blaming someone else for your lack of sexual encounters. And if you ARE blaming someone else, then that's sort of taking away someone else's right to choose.. Which put in the same fashion might as well be called, "involuntarily non-celibate".
ShenaniganNinja 20
I think you're reading into this far too much. I don't see how it's OP blaming anyone. Seems like you're tripping over yourself to find something offensive about OP's post.
BrainStew27 12
sounds like the years weren't the only thing that was "long and hard"
MightyThoth 7
at least you weren't eating your mom out in the dream. that would've been worse