Today, after six long, hard years of involuntary celibacy, I was finally about to get laid. Except it was just a dream, and in it my mom stormed in just as things got heated, called me a useless cunt, and told me to go do my chores. I guess my brain forgot I moved out years ago. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
Today, after more than a year of being single, I finally had sex. Unfortunately, it was only in a dream, and after we finished, he told me that I'm terrible in bed. Even my dream-lover is a dick. FML
Today, I had a dream that my mom hugged me and told me she loved me. I woke up to her banging on my door, barging into my room, inspecting it, and then telling me to “just fucking kill yourself, because you're genuinely a bad person” before slamming my door. My room was perfectly clean and tidy. FML
Today, I fell asleep at my boyfriend’s house and missed my curfew. It’s almost 4 a.m. Scrambling, I arrived home to find the locks changed. On the door knob was a note: “Go live with your boyfriend, you slut. See if he cooks and cleans up after you. I’ll help you move out your stuff in the morning. - Mom” FML
Today, my mom came in my bedroom without knocking, even though I'd told her to, and caught me masturbating. She stood there in awkward silence before saying, "…Dinner's ready at 6." and left. FML
Today, after nearly two months of no sex, I got cockblocked by an unexpected visit by my mother. FML
Today, I’m 20 and my mom is well aware I’m having sex. Nonetheless, this morning when my boyfriend was going down on me under the covers, she marched into my room without knocking, dumped a load of wet laundry on my sofa, and walked back out. FML
Today, my mom woke me up from a wet dream, because I was moaning too loudly. I'm a 32 year-old virgin. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we had sex. Just as it was getting good, my phone beeped. It was a text from my mom, saying, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell you're faking." FML
Today, I was pantsless, horny, and my vibrator died, so I put it on charge next to my bed. My mum then came in, crying hysterically about how she got fired. I was still naked. I felt so bad. FML
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Top comments
dudeman1212 22
Mom's a cockblock even in your dreams. Better stock up on Vaseline, I guess
TiiBags 15
Sometimes you don't even have your own brain on your side...
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Comments (52)
quickit 24
Doesn't matter had s- nevermind.
flufee2 27
Well thank god it was a dream then!!
wvcheesehead 13
A psychiatrist would have a blast with that dream.
Gauzy21 12
That just plain sucks!
Llama_Face89 34
God damn...one would think you coulda paid someone by now...
cheeeksss 29
Yes, because paying for sex is the answer to OP's problem...
americanafrican 32
money is always the solution!
theinsidiousgeek 9
Involuntary? How? Your body your life
Astrum14 24
Because chicks/guys won't sleep with him. That's how involuntary.
cas_wes 2
Yeah, I wouldn't sleep with someone who thinks he's owed sex and has mommy issues either.
Colon_Man 17
I'm disabled in a very disgusting way (user name is a double whammy - I don't have one). I'm 37 and I've given up on sex since 7 years ago. Women wouldn't tread here if I paid them.
xKai_Axelx 12
oh please I'm 17 and have been celibate for 17 years. It's not that hard.
DARKDAY07 16
Haha I'm in the same boat
stupidface15 16
Stop posting complaints to online strangers and go dust the oven
LennyComa 39
Cockblocked by your subconcious. Dude that's harsh. Hope you get laid soon.
stewpididiot 11
Hehe heh.. You said Long.. & Hard.... He heh