Fresh and not Fit

Spring cleaning

Today, I had to mow the lawn with a weed-whacker because it rained a lot the past week and the push mower was broken. I started "mowing", and forgot that I was mowing where the dogs take dumps, I absentmindedly whacked over dog poop… which got flung into my face. FML

Today, while mowing the lawn, I ran over a hornet's nest. FML

Today, my father bought a riding lawn mower. We don't have a lawn. FML

Today, I found out that I am allergic to grass, and not supposed to mow lawns. My job is mowing lawns. FML

Mowed down

Today, I was mowing the lawn while wearing gym shorts. Because I had no pockets, I tucked my phone into the waistband of my shorts. I didn't notice my phone had slipped until the lawnmower started making an awful sound. FML

Health is overrated

Today, trying to get into shape because I run out of breath after walking more than 30 minutes, I started to hit the gym. Too bad my legs didn’t want to cooperate and decided that it would cause limping-worthy pain for every step I took on the treadmill. FML

Today, I'm so out of shape that I got winded from getting out of bed. FML

Yesterday's news

Today, I ran over a newspaper with the lawnmower, instantly volunteering myself to pick up confetti for hours. FML

The art, the artist

Today, we were having a family get together at my house. Because of this, I had to mow our lawn to make sure it looked nice. I got a little bored and decided it would be funny to cut a rather large penis into my yard. Right when I'd finished, I ran out of gas. My 83 year-old grandmother saw. FML

Today, while I was mowing the lawn in my backyard, I ran over a glass bottle. My legs looked like a disco ball. FML