Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex yet, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite." Now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I showed my boyfriend all my kinky sex toys, hoping he'd be excited. He was actually freaked out and said that I have "way too many." Sorry I'm not a boring Christian prude who's afraid of her own pussy, I guess. FML
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML
Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML
Today, my girlfriend finally showed me the porn she likes to watch. Amputees were involved. FML
Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML
Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Today, I was looking for my passport and I found my wife's new vibrator (that she failed to tell me she'd purchased). I understand now why she doesn't want sex with me anymore. That thing is much bigger than I am. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex with my ass. I'm not sure she's taking "no" for an answer, seeing as how she's keeping a dildo on her nightstand and is clearly waiting for me to fall asleep. FML
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Top comments
rockr_chick 5
its going to be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway
Smyth 3
A forearm sized *****? She set herself up for disappointment with that one.
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Comments (223)
Einstein714 0
tie a board on your ass so you won't fall in
sourgirl101 29
Be afraid. Be very afraid Hey look on the bright side, you do have that forearm of yours that you can shove up there. Yuck!
MetalLetteRaver 0
rofl xD
l8trXb8tr 0
#6, I think we ALL have a small "wewe" compared to a normal sized forearm. XD. I say double team her, if the vajay is to loose then go for the caboose. She would probably loved to get double stuffed. Just saying....
Jizwold 0
wait are u a male or female?
remy3106 10
42 I love ur picture! and I'm almost 100% positive that she's a girl
sourgirl101 29
"I think we ALL have small wewe."..... Why would a "girl" use the word "WE"? It must me a guy using a picture of a girl. Now where's my gold star?
pandemic_fml 0
A relative of Prince Poppycock, mayhaps?
FYL_hardd 0
Your foot is as big as your forearm. For men, if they happen to have a big foot, well they happen to have a big friend down there. Let's hope your forearm is long, OP.
arhanes 0
Yeah 34 because I'm sure you're the size of a guy's forearm. op don't worry about it if she thinks that's what guys are really like tell her to keep her toys and find a less crazy girl
ChelseaXD 0
lmao at 30! so trueee.
luv4music987 0
steal it and use it on her :P
coolsteve 0
I just got an image of this tiny guy being engulfed and swallowed whole by some giant cooch
raynelee 0
5 how does useing sex toys make her classy. she probably is very loose which guys dint like and u would be able to please her because there is no possible way a man could move that fast
lito27 0
just fist her then. or just dump the loose ****