Today, I was told I will be having twins; this came as a shock since there are no twins in my family. When I asked my mom about it, she said that she wasn't surprised and not to worry about it because she had "absorbed her twin" and that the problem would "take care of itself." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out that yet again I'm having twins. Sounds great and all, but the only problem is that my mother-in-law is the one pregnant. Oh boy, I'm fucked! FML
Today, I announced my fourth pregnancy, this time with twins. I heard my mother mutter, “Finally two kids from the same dad.” FML
Today, one of my twin sons found out he's going to be a dad. His little sister who loves science ended up telling him that, since he has a twin who is genetically identical, he's genetically the baby's dad too. My son, being a bit dim, took this to mean his brother slept with his wife and hit him. FML
Today, I went to the hospital in labor expecting a baby boy. I ended the day with identical twins, a baffled doctor, and a husband convinced that our sons can clone themselves. FML
Today, the good news is that my girlfriend is pregnant. The bad news is that twins run in her family. Worse, so do triplets, and I just recently lost my job. FML
Today, my sister-in-law announced that she’s pregnant. With my kid. And the doctor thinks it might be twins. FML
Today, after I had a miscarriage in December, and finding out in June that I was 13 weeks pregnant with twins, I was told out that Baby B had consumed Baby A. FML
Today, I was diagnosed with polycystic ovaries and confided in my mom, after being told I would have trouble having kids. Five minutes later, I hear the whole family laughing about it downstairs. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that my identical twin and I are not in fact related, that he's adopted, and that the only reason we look exactly the same is because we eat and drink the same things. She actually believed it. FML
Today, my mother decided to tell me about how my twin brother almost killed me in the womb when his cord wrapped around my neck. When she left the room, he said, "You won't be so lucky next time." FML
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Top comments
unholyhalfbreed 4
I can see a horror movie in the making.
heyguysitsjosh 8
At least your kids will always have someone to play with! Unless of course one of your children absorbs the other.
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Comments (155)
emeraldisle 30
I'm guessing that wasn't the answer you were looking for.
Yourheadache 19
You dont say......
turkturkington 13
Emeraldisle, we need to form an alliance. Irish humour is neither accepted or appreciated on here. If we think about this carefully, we can take over this joint...
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
I don't know if that was as much Irish humor as it was sarcasm...
emeraldisle 30
56 - but you're in Northern Ireland. We're born rivals. It would never work. Haha ;) 65 - it was sarcasm. I'm glad someone got it.
turkturkington 13
Ah yes I had forgotten we were sworn enemies... Apologies! As we were. P.S. 65 - Irish humour pretty much is sarcasm... And that's it. :-p
Chaylbs_Draco 8
Wow... Just focus on the health of your babies. I hope all goes well for you
Hizodge 4
Wild. Maybe your mom is a Chimera.
skyeyez9 25
Who knows, you may get an operation one day and they find the twin's eyes, fingers and other parts that weren't completely absorbed.
jrod9327 17
Awkward. That's a story she should save.
BulldogHoops 14
She's not the most twintelligent, is she?
lostprophet 10
too much...
BulldogHoops 14
Probably. I always try for puns, and one out of five times they suck ass.
SerendipityRose 26
You could have salvaged the pun by saying one out of every two times it sucks...
cheekyterier 13
you don't say?
ManInTheMachine 20
Is your mom part-shark? I know that with Great Whites, the babies in the mother's womb are fully capable of eating the other before the mom gives birth, and it happens often. Maybe they should make a Shark Boy and Lava Girl: Origins. With your mom in it.
gc327072 31
Oh God.. don't give Hollywood or Michael Bay any more ideas....
skyeyez9 25
I thought absorbing a twin was called "fetus in fetu" or something like that?
courtneyann211 10
96- vanishing twin syndrome
Derzimma 2
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
As far as I know it's completely random whether you have twins or not. There is no inheritable genes, neither active nor dormant, that are reaponsible for that.
Melodey 3
That's what I was gonna say...
alkerh 8
Nope, twins run in families, it can be apparently random and there will always be cases that start a trend (especially if the genes are recessive) We just don't know which genes would have such an effect.
PlaySpades 21
Actually the only reason twins would run in the family is due to the gene for hyperovulation on the mothers side. Usually it is random and the only genetic component is for fraternal and not identical twins.
Derzimma 2
Thanks, didn't know about the fraternal part.
RedPillSucks 33
But also, as women get older, their chances of having multiple births go up, so twins become more common for older mothers.
LexieWins 0
You don't know very far.
courtneyann211 10
Identical twins have nothing to do genes. Those are luck of the draw where one egg splits either before or after fertilization. Fraternal twins, however, are passed down from the mothers side (has nothing to do with the fathers side) by hyper ovulation where a women drops two eggs instead of the normal one.
perdix 31
I think that means you're going to have quadruplets. My faith in arithmetic has been shaken by that two-person threesome from a few days ago.
RedPillSucks 33
Did she "work it out with a pencil" on your ass, perdix?
noisebox 1
Is she on some kind of psychotropic medication or on some bad acid?