Today, while shopping, I told my wife I'd love some pork chops for dinner. Someone nearby muttered, "That's practically cannibalism, ya fat pig." My wife immediately had a "coughing attack" that sounded suspiciously like it was covering up laughter. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was eating dinner with my husband and his family. My father-in-law says to my mother-in-law, "You know what’s in your mouth? Sausage!" It was so random that I laughed, as quietly as I could. My husband then loudly asked me what was so funny. Everyone went quiet and looked at me. FML
Today, while cooking with my girlfriend, I thought it would be funny to slap her with a raw porkchop. She thought it would be funny to throw the hot cooking grease on me. FML
Today, rather than buying one pork chop big enough for myself, I bought two smaller chops just so the cashier wouldn't think I was eating by myself. FML
Today, I showed my husband a recipe for the meal I wanted us to make tonight. He saw cumin was an ingredient and broke into hysterics. By the time he managed to stop laughing, he gasped that he couldn't eat something "with cumin it" and broke down laughing again. FML
Today, being near-broke, I resorted to shopping at Walmart. Barely ten minutes in, an obese sack of lard posing as a human being shoved me away from the bacon I was looking at. I fell, busted my lip, then got screamed at by another woman for not watching where I was going. FML
Today, I was dissecting a pig for my anatomy class. The smell of four day-old dead pig caused me to faint. My mom drove me home and warmed me up some left overs for lunch. It was pork chops. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I managed to pin him down and win. He saw my grin, snorted, and bitterly said I'd only won because, "let's face it, you're a bit of a porker, eh babe?" FML
Today, while standing in line at the supermarket, I reached past my wife to get a pack of gum. She jokingly did the "battered wife flinch" to get a laugh, and smiled at me from behind her hand. The cop staring at us obviously didn't notice the smile and definitely didn't think it was funny. FML
Today, I had a violent coughing fit while at the store, which caused a lady to think I was choking, grab me from behind and start doing the Heimlich maneuver incorrectly. She broke two of my ribs. FML
Today, I am six months pregnant and have been lactating. When I noticed this and pointed it out to my husband, I jokingly stated that I felt like a cow. He then replied. "Oh, you're not a cow. At most you're just a fat pig." He still has no clue why I'm upset. FML
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Top comments
BoxFullOfLazy 25
People need to learn to mind their own business.
jeffprobs 29
That's because it was funny, yes it's rude and I'm sorry it happened to you. But it's like a fall, it hurts the person who falls but it is still funny. If you were a comedian and you told me this happened to you, you would expect laughter.
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Comments (57)
fakedsincerity 32
Found the vegan.
ThrottleJockey 36
This reminds me, I haven't flipped my page a day bacon calendar yet today.
krad204 21
You, sir, are overreacting. It's a jerk comment but you took it way to seriously.
janfleury 19
No way would I of laughed at that when I would of known how much that would of hurt my husband. I most likely would of told off the rude a## that said it.
delfino1604 24
as funny as that is to hear about, your wife should have stuck up for you. my wife would have beaten their ass. she flies off the handle when someone talks shit about me.
Sherlihy 6
Some times yah just got to laugh at yourself op.
takeittoem 8
Rude and unnecessary.... but also hilarious.
tipsyone 22
Perhaps you should have a diet you pig! Stop before you become too obese
mkcherry 14
Your wife has probably wanted to say something about your weight before if she laughed uncontrollably. At least she tried to cover it up and not hurt you.
wolfssb135 11
She's coughing? Well she might need some water to smother that BURRRRRRNNNN. All jokes aside, that joke was still rude. Very sorry that happened... He really should just mind his own business.