Today, while shopping, I told my wife I'd love some pork chops for dinner. Someone nearby muttered, "That's practically cannibalism, ya fat pig." My wife immediately had a "coughing attack" that sounded suspiciously like it was covering up laughter. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was eating dinner with my husband and his family. My father-in-law says to my mother-in-law, "You know what’s in your mouth? Sausage!" It was so random that I laughed, as quietly as I could. My husband then loudly asked me what was so funny. Everyone went quiet and looked at me. FML
Today, while cooking with my girlfriend, I thought it would be funny to slap her with a raw porkchop. She thought it would be funny to throw the hot cooking grease on me. FML
Today, rather than buying one pork chop big enough for myself, I bought two smaller chops just so the cashier wouldn't think I was eating by myself. FML
Today, I showed my husband a recipe for the meal I wanted us to make tonight. He saw cumin was an ingredient and broke into hysterics. By the time he managed to stop laughing, he gasped that he couldn't eat something "with cumin it" and broke down laughing again. FML
Today, being near-broke, I resorted to shopping at Walmart. Barely ten minutes in, an obese sack of lard posing as a human being shoved me away from the bacon I was looking at. I fell, busted my lip, then got screamed at by another woman for not watching where I was going. FML
Today, I was dissecting a pig for my anatomy class. The smell of four day-old dead pig caused me to faint. My mom drove me home and warmed me up some left overs for lunch. It was pork chops. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I managed to pin him down and win. He saw my grin, snorted, and bitterly said I'd only won because, "let's face it, you're a bit of a porker, eh babe?" FML
Today, while standing in line at the supermarket, I reached past my wife to get a pack of gum. She jokingly did the "battered wife flinch" to get a laugh, and smiled at me from behind her hand. The cop staring at us obviously didn't notice the smile and definitely didn't think it was funny. FML
Today, I had a violent coughing fit while at the store, which caused a lady to think I was choking, grab me from behind and start doing the Heimlich maneuver incorrectly. She broke two of my ribs. FML
Today, I am six months pregnant and have been lactating. When I noticed this and pointed it out to my husband, I jokingly stated that I felt like a cow. He then replied. "Oh, you're not a cow. At most you're just a fat pig." He still has no clue why I'm upset. FML
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Top comments
BoxFullOfLazy 25
People need to learn to mind their own business.
jeffprobs 29
That's because it was funny, yes it's rude and I'm sorry it happened to you. But it's like a fall, it hurts the person who falls but it is still funny. If you were a comedian and you told me this happened to you, you would expect laughter.
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Comments (57)
meltingturtle 24
I feel bad for snickering a bit at this...
Hawks87 3
Wake up call?
fabcade 14
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
your wife is a bitch
metalcrazed 21
It's delicious I have no sympathy at all for it with that horrible screeching niose it makes. I could watch farm animal rights video's and just want a bacon cheeseburger.
lysx84 24
Nope, I have no empathy. What I DO have is bacon. I'm also pretty sure I have the better deal in the empathy vs bacon debate. YAY FOR PIG MEAT!!
TheShiphoo 14
I understand she laughed, holy moly! That's like the joke of the century (Be sure to spot the word "Joke" here. All for a good laugh"
SameerJain 15
My reply would've been like this : " Sorry ! but I can't stay on an empty stomach... I'm really sorry for your brothers."
Icyday 7
What is wrong with this site? They take YDI away from most posts because sometimes "people don't really deserve it" but this post is the perfect example of one that shouldn't have that choice and look it's there. But there have been other posts where it was totally YDI but the only other selection was "that could've happened to me". Can the other selection on this post be changed?
InfiniteSunshine 32
Jesus #16, did you break your arm with that reach? You know, humans also share 50% of their DNA with bananas, we have several biological similarities with them. Yet people peel their skin off and eat their insides. I mean, do you not have ANY empathy?
dracolich 27
The laughing was probably uncontrollable, hence your wife trying to hide it. I'm sorry you had to come across an asswipe like that though.