Today, while shopping, I told my wife I'd love some pork chops for dinner. Someone nearby muttered, "That's practically cannibalism, ya fat pig." My wife immediately had a "coughing attack" that sounded suspiciously like it was covering up laughter. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was eating dinner with my husband and his family. My father-in-law says to my mother-in-law, "You know what’s in your mouth? Sausage!" It was so random that I laughed, as quietly as I could. My husband then loudly asked me what was so funny. Everyone went quiet and looked at me. FML
Today, while cooking with my girlfriend, I thought it would be funny to slap her with a raw porkchop. She thought it would be funny to throw the hot cooking grease on me. FML
Today, rather than buying one pork chop big enough for myself, I bought two smaller chops just so the cashier wouldn't think I was eating by myself. FML
Today, I showed my husband a recipe for the meal I wanted us to make tonight. He saw cumin was an ingredient and broke into hysterics. By the time he managed to stop laughing, he gasped that he couldn't eat something "with cumin it" and broke down laughing again. FML
Today, being near-broke, I resorted to shopping at Walmart. Barely ten minutes in, an obese sack of lard posing as a human being shoved me away from the bacon I was looking at. I fell, busted my lip, then got screamed at by another woman for not watching where I was going. FML
Today, I was dissecting a pig for my anatomy class. The smell of four day-old dead pig caused me to faint. My mom drove me home and warmed me up some left overs for lunch. It was pork chops. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I managed to pin him down and win. He saw my grin, snorted, and bitterly said I'd only won because, "let's face it, you're a bit of a porker, eh babe?" FML
Today, while standing in line at the supermarket, I reached past my wife to get a pack of gum. She jokingly did the "battered wife flinch" to get a laugh, and smiled at me from behind her hand. The cop staring at us obviously didn't notice the smile and definitely didn't think it was funny. FML
Today, I had a violent coughing fit while at the store, which caused a lady to think I was choking, grab me from behind and start doing the Heimlich maneuver incorrectly. She broke two of my ribs. FML
Today, I am six months pregnant and have been lactating. When I noticed this and pointed it out to my husband, I jokingly stated that I felt like a cow. He then replied. "Oh, you're not a cow. At most you're just a fat pig." He still has no clue why I'm upset. FML
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Top comments
BoxFullOfLazy 25
People need to learn to mind their own business.
jeffprobs 29
That's because it was funny, yes it's rude and I'm sorry it happened to you. But it's like a fall, it hurts the person who falls but it is still funny. If you were a comedian and you told me this happened to you, you would expect laughter.
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Comments (57)
rikkirauha 20
People really need to learn to keep comments to themselves. Everyone has an opinion, but everyone can choose to stay quiet instead of being an inconsiderate jerk. Sorry for the crude comment, OP, and although your wife laughing may have been rude as well, try to understand that she didn't mean any disrespect. Forget about it, get over it, and get on with your life :)
MajesticRacoon 7
I guarantee the 1538 people that said you deserved it were vegans.
Catdragon 40
I think the only really crazy person here is you. Please don't rePRODUCE
mr_dour 16
Damn OP you should've fired back with something witty like, "whatever you say, skeletor."
8djht8 19
Quit being such a fat pig you cannibal. Most Cannibals say pig is the closest to human so.... Let's just call you Officer Lector.
wutman 7
If it upsets you so much, take steps to change yourself to become the person you want to be. The Human condition should not involve stagnation, so go out and change for the better! That, and talk to your wife.
nevereyes 31
That's really ******* funny, though if you don't like those sort of jokes made about you maybe you should lose weight
ThatEmoBoy 26
I mean it's funny but it was mean