Today, my best friend got a new boyfriend. She asked him what he wanted for his upcoming birthday, and he said he just wanted to hang out with her and watch a movie or two. I thought it was sweet, so I asked my boyfriend what he would like for his upcoming birthday. He said a blow job. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it's my birthday. All I wanted was birthday sex, but all my boyfriend could talk about was how great the new purse he got me was. I think he might like it more than me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to his best friend’s birthday party. He got her red roses, a necklace and $100 Victoria’s Secret Gift Card. This year he forgot my birthday, gave me a hug and told me to leave his apartment because he had homework to do. We’ve been together for two years. FML
Today, the only thing I got for my birthday was my boyfriend's offer to give me "the gift of anal". FML
Today, I finally gave the guy I was with for over a year a blowjob. Right after he tells me "I don't want a girlfriend but I want you to be my best friend." FML
Today, I surprised my boyfriend by buying him an expensive watch for his birthday. He responded with "Aww, you could've just given me head, babe." FML
Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend asked me what he should get his mother for her birthday. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to gift me soap, a razor, and deodorant for my birthday. FML
Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend had been telling me for the past two weeks that he had something planned for the occasion. His plan? Me watching TV with his parents, who hate me, while he went to work. His gift? A brand new Xbox 360 for himself. FML
Today, my boyfriend treated me to a surprise romantic dinner, got me a huge balloon bouquet, a dozen roses, and a beautiful card for my birthday. Too bad it's his ex's birthday and not mine. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me what I wanted for my birthday. Apparently “A threesome” is not the appropriate answer. FML
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Top comments
shaBAMalex 0
Well hey, you asked. :]
dd3_fml 0
i have a feeling that your boyfriend was the honest one...
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Comments (301)
maXairMike 0
#35, if its a birthday steak, it had better be an Omaha Steak! ;) Now if you'll excuse me while I go grill up a few flat irons...
EggsBenedict 0
Well, do you think your best friend's bf really "just wanted to hangout with her and watch a movie or two"? ...I think he has other things in mind
DONTbEMO 0
When your birthday comes up and he asks you, Just say you want him to eat you out. Sounds fair enough. YDI
gonzaval 0
I wish My husband ask for that he is acting like a woman in my relation ship I am always asking for that and he always says no your bfnd is onest
Blue_Coconuts 7
Birthday BJ's should come anyway, with or without another gift.
kendalle_fml 0
Meh, he's your boyfriend, if he asked i assume you have done it before and don't mind. Go all out buy him hand cuffs and all. Then think of something good for your bday!
gravityplanx 0
**** yeah #47 On my birthday, I would NEVER ask for a *******.... I ask for dozens of ********... preferably one per hour (but that's just unrealistic... so the count usually sticks to around 4-8 for the day). And does my girlfriend mind? NO. she loves me and enjoys making me happy. You, dear lady, are a stuck up bitch.
RiverRelic 0
Maybe you could trade your bf for the posters who complain that their bf chose to watch TV instead of getting it on. Then everybody would be happy.
strawberry_78 0
Ha #38, reality bites :) I don't mind giving one to a guy I love though.
Art_Vandeley 0
I have to go with #16 here.