Today, in an effort to rearrange my bedroom, I planned to reroute my internet cables under my house. Then I found out about the black widow infestation. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I thought the earwig infestation that had plagued my basement apartment for weeks had finally solved itself. Turns out the black widow infestation took care of it for me. Time to move. FML
Today, after having a 3-day vacation and feeling a bit bummed that it was over, I got home to find a black widow watching her babies hatch in my office window. FML
Today, I was glad to find out that all the bedbugs have been eaten. Now I have a spider infestation. FML
Today, I was reaching into the floor vent in my toddler's room to retrieve some toys she'd dropped. What I found instead was a clump of large dead spiders. FML
Today, I found thousands of ants in a secret nest in an unused corner of my apartment. They were feeding on the baking mix I forgot in a box from moving in two months ago, and the queen has been laying her eggs on my wireless router. FML
Today, I learned that my house's fly infestation is worse than I thought. I now have maggots crawling and dropping from my ceiling. I have to sleep under them. FML
Today, the spiders in my house are so big that they catch wasps in their webs. FML
Today, I went out to inspect the backyard. There are now more than two dozen spiders hanging out and webs crossing from one side of the yard to the other. I have decided to surrender this territory. FML
Today, I'm scared to leave my bedroom. During the night, what must have been a giant spider made a web 4 feet wide stretching from the lightbulb to the tv and then down to the desk corner. It's blocking my path to the door and I can't tell where the 8-legged bastard is hiding. FML
Today, I rolled up a newspaper and smashed a huge spider in my room. As I went to scoop it up with a tissue, it lurched away and fell near my bed. I can't find it, but I can sure as fuck sense the pure evil coming from it. Looks like I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
cfojo 19
Who needs internet anyway? Or even a house in this case.
Ciel_Phantombooty 0
I think a flamethrower is a little bit better of an investment than internet at this point OP.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (21)
cfojo 19
Who needs internet anyway? Or even a house in this case.
Ciel_Phantombooty 0
I think a flamethrower is a little bit better of an investment than internet at this point OP.
Joshwarrior 39
I am happy you are still around today to write the fml op you have my respect. If I didn't die from a bite I definitely would from a heart attack Haha spiders are my one weakness and I believe your only option is to nuke the house. Stay safe my friend.
poprocker11221 10
I would grab matches and hairspray and make a flamethrower and burn your house down. You're screwed.
sparkledoge 29
I live in an apartment with a false widow infestation, cousin species, not as toxic. Good thing they have a really bad eyesight forcing them to stay on their web. Males tend to wander around though. I feel you OP.
connectm 1
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
my niggas over here just risking it all. ???
RpiesSPIES 27
Run.
Rock_Lobsterr 10
Time to move.
hitmanoo 16
I may not sleep again, and I don't even live there!
Eashy 16
3 words. Torch. House. Run.
GIJoefan 6
Nuke the house!!