Today, I used a blanket outside for a picnic. Later, while throwing it in the washer, I noticed a lizard jump out to land inbetween the bowl and the side. Then I noticed a wasp had joined it. I'm scared to open my washer now. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found the same spider which I had let live yesterday hidden in my bath towel. I didn't find it until it was smeared on my face. FML
Today, there was a wasp tangled in my bed sheets. I found this out when I rolled over it in my sleep, and it stung me on the lower back. FML
Today, I was washing dishes when I picked up a plate and saw a huge spider. Trying to be nice, I took the plate outside and tried to gently push the spider off. The wind blew it into my eye. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, with water in my eyes, I stepped out of the shower and rubbed my face with a towel. When I looked in the mirror, I realized there had been a giant spider on the towel. Its guts and legs were smeared all over my face. FML
Today, I washed my hands and reached for the towel but felt something sticky. It was a house centipede. It exploded. FML
Today, I got back home to my completely locked-up apartment after a long and stressful family visit. On digging through my nice clean clothes for something comfy to change into, I was set upon and stung by a great dirty wasp hiding in there. How the fuck did it get in? Are there more of them in here with me?! FML
Today, my mother found my escaped pet snake after she had already washed and dried it with the laundry. FML
Today, I tried to have a relaxing soak in the tub. The giant wolf spider that was already in the tub didn't like me trying to set it free outside. It ran right across my feet and back into my house when I dumped it out of a cup outside. I screamed like a little girl. FML
Today, I was going to set up my air conditioner in the window. As I opened up the window, I must have disturbed a wasp nest, because a dozen wasps flew in and several of them stung me. The rest are now somewhere in my house with my terrified girlfriend. FML
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Top comments
egnur_mas 19
If I were you (and hopefully you put the detergent in) I'd switch that bugger on and do the longest cycle you can to ensure mr wasp won't come flying out at you.
chudun 18
Why didn't you shake your blanket before you brought it in your house?
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Comments (19)
egnur_mas 19
If I were you (and hopefully you put the detergent in) I'd switch that bugger on and do the longest cycle you can to ensure mr wasp won't come flying out at you.
DraconicFeline 31
But what about poor mr. lizard? D:
Brandi_Faith 34
I'm kind of confused by the "bowl and side" comment, but if they are in fact in the washer, I would call someone (a friend or father maybe?) to come and get them out. I'd be worried if you turned it on, that you'd either have a dead lizard and wasp that you have to deal with removing (which is gross enough), or that you'd have guts and a mess or something from all the tumbling. (Gag). I think you're best to get it out before you start the washer, cause who knows what you'd have to deal with after, and who knows if it could even ruin your machine or something.
sasquatchius 3
I feel sorry for the poor animals you've likely murdered.
tash901 31
I found the vegan! Sorry couldn't resist but in all fairness this wasn't done on purpose
DaDezza244 31
To be fair, wasps are nasty little creatures that deserve to die. The poor lizard though.
kappachino3 6
They'll drown don't worry (:
cantfixme36 28
If you're lucky, the lizard will eat the wasp, then you can just trap the lizard and be on with your life. I hate wasps.
Stuffaluffagus 25
Poor little lizard
trucker2 33
Well, you just increased your car insurance by 100%
species4872 20
Obviously you're not Australia, would have had a couple of snakes, various spiders, bull ants as well and you would be half paralyzed before you got back to the house. Sorry about the exaggeration you probably would have only one snake.
chudun 18
Why didn't you shake your blanket before you brought it in your house?
sandman676 20
You have to save the lizard
kaitlyn520 13
Burn the house down!? lol just kidding.. the other day I was driving and a spider came down from my rear view mirror using its little butt web trait and I almost crashed. Was tempted to just burn the whole car..
Bearsmomma 30
That's happened to me before! OMG! I hate it. So scary, and difficult to get away from. I worry I'll cause it to drop on me. And all the fidgeting and freaking out while driving, and/or attempting to pull over.