Today, my friends thought it would be funny to yell out, "Pass the bong, Emma!" while I was on the phone to my mother. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my angry ex-girlfriend ordered a bong to my house in my name. I came home to my parents screaming at me, demanding to know where "the weed" was. FML
Today, I was with my mom and my boyfriend at lunch. My phone rings and my mom excitedly says "You have friends!" As I'm about to answer it, she pulls out her phone from under the table and says "Kidding, it's just me." My boyfriend starts cracking up, and they exchange a high five. FML
Today, I was at a job interview when my phone started ringing. It was my mom, so I quickly hit "Ignore", which was probably for the best since she was obviously drunk. She left a voicemail in which she sang "Happy Birthday" to me. It's not my birthday. FML
Today, at work, whilst on hold with an important client, I said to my co-workers, "Fucking hell, this woman sounds high as a kite." I heard a cough on the other end of the phone. All calls are recorded. FML
Today, a classmate's mother called my phone, threatening to have my dorm room raided for drugs. Why? She saw our text messages discussing where he would pick up the textbook I borrowed and thought it was the new "code name" for weed. FML
Today, I was talking on the phone to my crush so I went into the bathroom for some privacy. My drunk mother started banging on the door, asking what I was doing in there. I told her that I was on the phone, so she yelled super loud, "While you're shitting?" He immediately hung up. FML
Today, my phone rang just seconds after I left a conference meeting to go use the restroom. It wouldn't have been a problem, except it seems one of my friends thought it would be funny to change my ringtone to a woman having an orgasm. FML
Today, my mother went through my bag and found what she thought was rolling papers. I was yelled at and called a stupid pothead with no future. They were facial blotting papers. FML
Today, my dad thought it would be funny to make me hold an unlit cigarette before FaceTiming my mom so he could prank her by saying, "He's got a new habit." My mom did not find it funny, especially when I mentioned to her that I did not willingly participate. Now I'm stuck in this car, listening to them argue. FML
Today, while I was sitting in the living room with my mother, my phone rang. She immediately exclaimed, "I'm not calling you! Why is it going off?" She was serious. My own mother doesn't believe people talk to me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
stinkytruck 0
better than " spread them wider baby"
socaldgaf69 0
haha who gives a shit my friends say that all the time. that's Nothing to post about so stop bitching YDI
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (154)
CallMeHush 1
Emma could you pass the big tub of ass lube. A bong doesn't sound so bad now, does it?
SeaBoundRhino 0
Stop whining like you're the only person this every happened to. It's a joke people play on each other. Get over it.
tikimuppet 11
So? Happens to me all the time, my mum just thinks it's funny
bubblewater23 0
are u serious?!?!?!? this deserve's to be on MLIA, not FML.
Edencool 5
Is that all? It happens to me all the time...grow up
imjaysaysno 0
gahahahaha :)
theeBeezWaXx 0
haha good one #o1! oP, dnt. be sad. i yell that all the time when my amigos are on thee phone lolss.
ApplePieHead 0
...clever...
STEREOSCOPIC 0
what did ur mom say?
Anonnamus 0
"Put your ass on my dong." You can always pretend that phrase was said instead. Your mother will forget about any concern she may have had about drug use.