Today, during lunch, I choked on my food and possibly came close to death when my boyfriend's best friend performed the Heimlich Maneuver on me, potentially saving my life. My boyfriend then started arguing with me over letting his best friend touch my stomach. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was eating lunch with my boyfriend when I started choking. My boyfriend took it as an opportunity to sneak food off my plate. FML
Today, I went out to eat with friends. My crush was also at the restaurant with his friends. He smiled at me as I took a mouthful of food, and I choked. The waitress had to perform the Heimlich maneuver on me, while he and his friends fell off their chairs laughing. FML
Today, I was sitting in the break room at work eating lunch when I started to choke. My face turned red and tears began welling up in my eyes. Two of my coworkers were there. They began to argue over who would have to give me the Heimlich maneuver rather than helping. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were fighting in the car, I paused to take a bite of my burrito. Just at that moment, he slammed on the brakes, causing me to deepthroat my burrito. I threw up all over myself. He won the argument. FML
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, my boyfriend was telling me about accidentally punching his best friend in the face. As he was acting it out he ended up punching me and giving me a bloody nose. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend out to dinner to an expensive restaurant. He overate, and now I have to nurse him through food poisoning. FML
Today, while dining at a restaurant I heard a women choking. I immediately ran to her, wrapped my arms around her and started giving her abdominal thrusts. She freed herself and slapped me. Turns out she wasn't choking, she was just laughing. FML
Today, I was at a friend's house teasing her with a pickle. She hates them so I thought it would be funny to pretend to deep throat it. Her dad came in and startled me so bad, I inhaled it. She had to call 911 while he performed the Heimlich maneuver. I’m no longer welcome back. FML
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Top comments
pjsr 33
He'd rather the funeral director touch your body?!
marsmonkey 9
I'm so sorry, OP- that's really awful! Perhaps this is a sign that this boyfriend might not deserve you. If your body means more to him as his territory, if might be time to end it.
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Comments (37)
cassielite 19
Even if he was joking it was probably an insensitive time to make a joke, and most jokes have an underlying part of truth. If he wasn't joking then definitely a red flag and you should delicately leave him so as to not encite further possessive behavior.
RinoaHeartilly 36
That's a big warning sign. Either set him straight or get out of it.
Lobby_Bee 18
f that is how insecure your boyfriend is, maybe option number two choking to death ain't such a bad idea. Or you can tell him to learn the Heimlich maneuver himself.
shutupmichaela 18
anyone that posessive is too immature to be in a relationship, shut it down.
Saercia 6
Dump him. His behaviour will only escalate. And if he was prepared to have you die rather than let someone save your life, that's not a future you have together. It's a lifetime of pain before an early grave. Good luck.
GhostFox 34
One word: RUN. Seriously though, he's saying that he would literally prefer you dead or brain damaged than "let" someone else touch your body. That right there says he thinks of you as property, and the fact that he didn't confront your friend first for initiating contact says that he's very likely going to blame you for every time some other guy flirts with you, eyes you, or makes lewd comments at you. That is not a healthy relationship, and I highly suggest breaking up with him, and being careful about it. If he demands an answer, tell him that his actions strongly implied that he would prefer you dead than to let someone else touch "his" girlfriend. I say careful because someone like this guy come across as, isn't going to take being on the receiving end of a break very well.
simsgirlgem 25
Dump him because if he's going to bitch about another man touching you when it only happened because you were choking it's just going to get worse
mssileas 25
... and that's how your boyfriend became single again. FHL
ImminentDisaster 12
Didn't the Heimlich manoeuvre require the friend to pelvic thrust against OPs butt? But it's the stomach touching he had a problem with?
KrDizzy 16
Run, OP!