Today, during lunch, I choked on my food and possibly came close to death when my boyfriend's best friend performed the Heimlich Maneuver on me, potentially saving my life. My boyfriend then started arguing with me over letting his best friend touch my stomach. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was eating lunch with my boyfriend when I started choking. My boyfriend took it as an opportunity to sneak food off my plate. FML
Today, I went out to eat with friends. My crush was also at the restaurant with his friends. He smiled at me as I took a mouthful of food, and I choked. The waitress had to perform the Heimlich maneuver on me, while he and his friends fell off their chairs laughing. FML
Today, I was sitting in the break room at work eating lunch when I started to choke. My face turned red and tears began welling up in my eyes. Two of my coworkers were there. They began to argue over who would have to give me the Heimlich maneuver rather than helping. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were fighting in the car, I paused to take a bite of my burrito. Just at that moment, he slammed on the brakes, causing me to deepthroat my burrito. I threw up all over myself. He won the argument. FML
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, my boyfriend was telling me about accidentally punching his best friend in the face. As he was acting it out he ended up punching me and giving me a bloody nose. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend out to dinner to an expensive restaurant. He overate, and now I have to nurse him through food poisoning. FML
Today, while dining at a restaurant I heard a women choking. I immediately ran to her, wrapped my arms around her and started giving her abdominal thrusts. She freed herself and slapped me. Turns out she wasn't choking, she was just laughing. FML
Today, I was at a friend's house teasing her with a pickle. She hates them so I thought it would be funny to pretend to deep throat it. Her dad came in and startled me so bad, I inhaled it. She had to call 911 while he performed the Heimlich maneuver. I’m no longer welcome back. FML
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Top comments
pjsr 33
He'd rather the funeral director touch your body?!
marsmonkey 9
I'm so sorry, OP- that's really awful! Perhaps this is a sign that this boyfriend might not deserve you. If your body means more to him as his territory, if might be time to end it.
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Comments (37)
Daniel Hamm 5
Your own fault for getting yourself involved with an idiot.
GhostFox 34
Right, because assholes that are bordering on being or are abusive go around wearing signs that say, "I would prefer my date mate dead than someone touch them to save their life." You obviously have no idea how prolific of actors and liars abusers are, especially during the courting/love bombing and desensitization periods of a relationship.
saricaste 21
Dump him. Dump the jealous and controlling piece of shit.
ArmedShark 2
Break up with him. NOW.
jackiistarr 6
dump his ass because that is not healthy at all. sounds really controlling and possessive
Tess390 7
when your boyfriend is more worried about someone touching your stomach to save you then actually thanking his friend for saving your life it's time to move on from him. I can't believe he didn't even care you were choking
mike6292 22
time to get a new b-frnd !!!!!! just saying : )
AzraelAngelus 15
Red flag dump him