Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly, "You need to work on that." We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said, "You need to work on not farting in your sleep." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML
Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML
Today, I met a great guy at the bar, and we went back to my place. He left before I woke up, leaving a badly-scrawled note saying, "Gone to work, call me!" I couldn't make out the number. FML
Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML
Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML
Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred, "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML
Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML
Today, my husband got drunk, which was bad enough, but then he got me to the point where I wanted sex too, so I let him climb aboard. He was inside me for 3 thrusts and then stopped. He’d fallen asleep, so I pushed him off me, mad as hell, then he farted and shit a little bit. I married this twat. FML
Today, my boyfriend kept falling asleep while he was at my house with me. I tried to have sex with him to help wake him up, but he said he was too tired and fell back asleep. Five minutes later, my friend walks in the room with food. He woke up from the smell and got up to get some for himself. FML
Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML
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Top comments
ffpoisongirl 0
Come on honey, never insult a guy about his downstairs mixup. He'll lash out. No offense, but YDI.
LuckyCharms_fml 0
He was just pissed off his junk was malfunctioning
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Comments (183)
_____me_____me__ 1
hahahaha that happened to me 2 nights ago... not the note thing but i farted in my sleep and he made sure to tell me about it when i woke up
neurorot 0
#10 is golden. OP, it's a good rule of thumb to avoid making comments about a man's package, A) even if you're "just joking" and B) especially if you're going to **** the dude later. Dipshit. Also, ew at hooking up with random dude from the bar. Gross gross gross.
baby_love 0
okay we all know it's wrong to hook up with random ass people but you're all bored and judgemental and im sure you've all ****** up so get over yourselves.
Will09 0
ur probably ugly as shit if ur pickin up drunk dudes hhaahahahahahha YDI MUTHAF*****
DeadMansCrack 4
I would've said that your life is ******, but if you bring back random people from bars, then you're asking for it.You definitely deserved this one.
KeithHarris 0
I think #34 has went to the bar with random dudes too many times herself
susie1234_5678 0
Haha that's funny. Just laugh it off...
I_am_stupid_also 6
That's a good comeback, and at least he left you a note before he left. He was probably a cool guy before you spoiled the mood. Twice.
AndelleRae 9
Yeah, you really shouldn't insult a guy's package. (Lmfao at #2's use of downstairs mix-up, by the way) I'm sure if you hadn't made the comment you did, he wouldn't have left the note. Most (won't say all) guys really don't care if a girl farts, in her sleep or otherwise.
breebearxx 0
i agree with #28 hahahahaha