Today, I visited the doctor. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to the doctor's. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML
Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML
Today, I went to the ER as I have an ulcer and I was exhibiting signs of a perforation. This is when the gorgeous doctor told me he had to stick his finger up my butt to check for rectal bleeding. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I had bad diarrhea. I went to the toilet seven times while my cousins came to spend time with me. I spent more time in the toilet than I did with them. Once they'd left, I went to the toilet for what would be the eighth time in a couple of hours. I now can no longer feel my ass. FML
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
Today, I have a bad case of diarrhea. The worst part isn’t even sharting in bed while sleeping naked. It’s the severe asshole pain from having to wipe my ass twenty times in twelve hours. FML
Today, after weeks of quarantine, I can finally go to the hospital to get my haemorrhoid surgery, which was confirmed. I have a big internal one. I didn't not consult with the same doctor as before, but he didn't even do a check up inside and told me, "You have nothing, go home." I can't shit. FML
Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML
Today, I was hit by acute food poisoning while attending a colleague's birthday party at his home. The toilet had a door that wouldn't close all the way, there were only three sheets of toilet paper left, and I had to walk home through town, in a dress, with my soiled underwear in a plastic bag. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
haloofduty27 12
Sorry man, hope you feel better soon.
Spade606 6
Looks like your not doing anal anytime soon
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (141)
DocBastard 40
The diarrhea didn't cause the hemorrhoid - the hemorrhoid was already there. You just may not have noticed it until you started wiping your ass 45 times a day and caused it to become inflamed. If this happens again (or if anyone else has this problem), try using baby wipes. Yes, use a moist baby wipe on your adult ass. It's much less abrasive, it cleans much better, and it will help you to avoid an FML moment of your own. Unless you're that desperate to have an FML published...in that case, I would recommend using 80 grit sandpaper on your ass.
MsMeiriona 2
Flushable baby wipes are ALWAYS in my house. It makes no sense to give up a proper clean just because you're not a baby anymore.
alicemay 5
Honestly this is too funny, lol. FYL Op but I'm sure on some level you must have deserved this. Karma's a bitch : )
jgoodz 3
Hopefully, that sandwich was worth it...
night_saint 5
fart!
chels1994 11
I was eating a sandwich when I read this... -_-
tj4234 36
musta been a McDonalds sandwich...
hoonyer 17
prolly, i got sick from eating their breakfast last week, at the urging of my friend and despite every fiber in my body telling me not to
bubo_fml 11
Would the process be reversed if you had stuffed the tainted sandwich up yer bum? I'd prefer vomiting to an infected ring piece...
rdwhite1986 0
Now that's just retarded
cjg2013 0
cockmeat sandwich?
OfficeNinja 5
And that Is why you never buy a sandwich out of a vending machine at the bus station - no matter how yummy it looks. Bus station sandwiches are not for eating - they are for you to argue with out loud so the rest of the passengers think you are crazy and do not try to sit next to you.
lolk3qt 1
That's why u don't say" b*tch make me a sandwich but instead ask them politely like this " can you please make me a sandwich."