Today, I visited the doctor. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to the doctor's. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML
Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML
Today, I went to the ER as I have an ulcer and I was exhibiting signs of a perforation. This is when the gorgeous doctor told me he had to stick his finger up my butt to check for rectal bleeding. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I had bad diarrhea. I went to the toilet seven times while my cousins came to spend time with me. I spent more time in the toilet than I did with them. Once they'd left, I went to the toilet for what would be the eighth time in a couple of hours. I now can no longer feel my ass. FML
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
Today, I have a bad case of diarrhea. The worst part isn’t even sharting in bed while sleeping naked. It’s the severe asshole pain from having to wipe my ass twenty times in twelve hours. FML
Today, after weeks of quarantine, I can finally go to the hospital to get my haemorrhoid surgery, which was confirmed. I have a big internal one. I didn't not consult with the same doctor as before, but he didn't even do a check up inside and told me, "You have nothing, go home." I can't shit. FML
Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML
Today, I was hit by acute food poisoning while attending a colleague's birthday party at his home. The toilet had a door that wouldn't close all the way, there were only three sheets of toilet paper left, and I had to walk home through town, in a dress, with my soiled underwear in a plastic bag. FML
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Top comments
haloofduty27 12
Sorry man, hope you feel better soon.
Spade606 6
Looks like your not doing anal anytime soon
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Comments (141)
cajunjynx 0
This is truly a great fml. Sorry it happened, but damn that is funny.
Nickramos 0
Always check the bread, meat, cheese, mayo, and mustard dates before making a sandwhich . Fell better soon.
kickyc 14
u no like vegeterian food? :( check the date of ur.... food? TUM TUM TUUUUUM Capt obvious to your service
THE_A_TEEN 28
You shouldn't have eaten that sub sandwich from the back of the fridge. Now you're not going to go to Duff Gardens because of this.
ScarletBloom 14
And subsequently cause constipation.
soupisyummy 13
Ouch >_< I'd hate to have an infected butthole. That would definitely ruin my day. FYL
dabomb1463 0
That's crappy ( no pun intended )
KatieKupcake4195 9
Ugh. I'm sorry man :( I got food poisoning in 5th grade from lunch at school. It was terrible. I hope you feel better soon
Ins_Knie 2
If 'sandwich' refers to food, your life sucks. If it refers to sex, YDI.
THE_A_TEEN 28
Where do you live where the sandwich is used as a term for sex?
thiscrazything 1
Or where sex leads to food poisoning?
Dracoboxer357 36
64- To Sandwich someone, where the girl is the meat in the middle of two guys....or whatever genders. 75- That would be the bad part of YouTube again, go look for yourself. Ick. :p
THE_A_TEEN 28
I've been to the wierd side of youtube, there's some really good stuff there. ...and disgusting stuff there...
ExToRtiOn 0
That's what happens when you say "bitch make me a sandwich"
loserman67 36
That must have been one bad ass sandwich (pun intended) Word of advice: When the bread is greener than the lettuce in the sandwich, it's usually best to stay away from said sandwich and eat something else. Hope you feel better soon!