Today, I had to hide the entire drawer of kitchen knives under my bed just to keep my mother from stabbing her cheating boyfriend, and slashing his tires. This happens more often than I'd like to admit. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, I was curious as to whether or not my mom was off of her medication. When I asked her, she pulled a knife on me. Looks like I got my answer. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend keeps a sword under the bed, a proper sharp 'knight on horseback' sword instead of the typical baseball bat for burglars, I found this out after I was groping under there for a dropped earring and cut one of my fingers down to the bone. FML
Today, I caught my ex trying to slash my car tires with a knife. She actually had the balls to claim she was testing my tire pressure, before power-walking off into the distance like nothing had happened. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a figure holding a knife above me. After I screamed in terror, the figure burst into laughter. It was my mom. She did this as payback for me not washing the dishes last night after making food. FML
Today, I realized my paranoia is really bad when I saw my coworker holding a knife and immediately began thinking of ways to keep him from stabbing me. I work in a restaurant kitchen. FML
Today, while trying to quietly sneak a midnight snack with my girlfriend, I was slowly opening the pantry door so I wouldn't wake my mother. My girlfriend came and swung open the door onto my foot, taking the top layer of skin with it. FML
Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML
Today, I discovered a drawer full of chocolates, cookies and baked goods in my house. When I asked my sister what the drawer was, she told me that my mom thought it would be a good idea to hide the fattening foods from me. My entire family had known about the food drawer, except me. FML
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Top comments
aperron96 18
I think it's time to move out, or kick her out. I know she's your mom but that's just psychotic
paperroll880 16
Sounds like you're the mother in this relationship.
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Comments (53)
TweetAnne 13
'Cause I dug my key into the side Of his pretty little suped up 4 wheel drive, Carved my name into his leather seats... I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights, Slashed a hole in all 4 tires... Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.
don_sean 11
Maybe don't hide them next time, odds are you wont have to deal with the problem one way or another
shinikageWolf 15
Slash 2 or 3 tires, most insurance companies only cover it if all 4 are slashed.
lmbachman 23
The likelihood that she'd actually stab him is pretty low. I'd say don't bother, not because you're doing anything wrong, but because if she wanted to kill him or damage his property, she'd do it with or without the knives.
Chan5820 2
If you are sure you are right, you need to report her as being mentally unstable and have her in a temporary mental hospital. Most of the time its just for a few days, 3 weeks at most unless its too bad. In that case she would be sent to a more long-term one. The max time people generally spend in those is six months. Some people are so bad they spend most of their life moving around hospitals once every 6 months.
elfhugger 5
I feel you man. my dad does that kind of crazy sh*t