Today, I woke up to my dog jumping on my bed and licking me all over. It would've been fine, if I hadn't woken the first time a few minutes earlier to the sight of him going to town on his balls. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. to my dog jumping off of my bed. No big deal. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to fall back asleep and my face landed right in a puddle of his pee. I tasted it. FML
Today, when I woke up, my dog excitedly came up to me and licked my face. A few minutes later, I find out he had thrown up twice before he licked my face. FML
Today, instead of waking up to soft sunlight creeping in the window or the gentle trill of birds, I was awakened by the sound of my dog vomiting all over my bed. FML
Today, I woke up to my dog laying on the pillow next to me. When he saw that I was awake, he wagged his tail happily and then promptly sneezed in my face. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog scratching at my door. After a while of this, I finally got up to let her in. When I opened the door, she looked at me, threw up, and scurried away. FML
Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML
Today, my dog had REALLY bad diarrhea. I found that out when I woke up to find it all over my bed. FML
Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the ass. FML
Today, I woke up feeling crabby because of lack of sleep. I noticed what woke me up, it was man's best friend. He kept moving around and wouldn't stop rotating in circles to get comfy. I told him to lay down and he looked at me, did another circle and lowered down, butthole first on my forehead. FML
Today, I noticed that my dog was feeling sad. I let him hop on my bed with me to make him feel better. It worked, right after he vomited all over my face and pillow. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Well he was cleaning himself, and decided you needed a bath as well. Saliva and a tongue are the best things to wash with. Trust me...
kost4060 14
My dog ate his puke then came to lick my face
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Comments (69)
Asher_X 15
Hue. I love that word. Hue. Hue. Mhmm yeahh. Oh yeah, FYL OP.
Asher_X 15
Uhhh all I put in my comment was "Hue" I go to shower and come back to find it changed...
OysterPearls 33
ALIENS.
Asher_X 15
I'm being serious though :(
colby6666 43
I moderated this!! :D And 31- your profile pic suits your comment.
mannatee 19
Fml staff can change your comments
Asher_X 15
Really...? Damn you FML staff, you little trolls!
Since1998 20
I strangely don't believe that's the case
sterling1113 15
I dunno. If someone got top comment with "hue" and I was an admin id have a little fun with it instead of deleting it or having it thumbed down into oblivion. Lol
ohcheriecherie 20
I think it might be set to do that when someone posts a one word first comment, since so many people used to just say first.
Welshite 40
Well he was cleaning himself, and decided you needed a bath as well. Saliva and a tongue are the best things to wash with. Trust me...
reneetlovesyou 30
My dogs do this to me too! It drives me absolutely nuts!
A07 48
Nuts.
Kevin_Kestel 24
He is just showing his love towards you.
pwnman 33
Seems like a disgusting situation.
Rallred32 20
Was that a pun?
pwnman 33
Nope. Just making a general comment. Hope you know the definition of a pun.
OysterPearls 33
With the abundance of "That's a ___ situation" comments, you can't blame 21 for thinking there was one to be found (if he wasn't being sarcastic).
kost4060 14
My dog ate his puke then came to lick my face
23lf 16
I can never eat while reading FML comments again.
A07 48
And you still did'nt get published? Sorry bro.
CFB_FRS 27
This is why I don't eat and read FML..
spatula232 25
My dog ate it's crap and licked me
Hiimhaileypotter 53
My boss's French bulldog puppy ate its own shit and threw it up on her yesterday. :(
mete_orito 34
My dog ate his own puke and puked it again!
Daxwax 8
Euuuwh!
BrettB321 15
Maybe if you shower alittle more then your dog wouldnt have to clean you
LissaMccracken 23
Dog. Not cat.
sharklover2017 11
Oh god why! I would run to the shower as fast as I could. Your dog was just showing affection, sucks how he showed it though..
brookenicolee29 27
Hope he didn't make contact with your mouth.
zandalee 20
My dogs tongue not only always managers to lick my mouth, she sometimes actually gets some of it in my mouth. Very gross. And that sucker is enormous!
TheBuraaQ 10
Die !!!
Aquila_Umbrae 26
From the window to the walls.
Respect101 17
from dog lickin his balls.